Life on hold

Not that it's any surprise, but as it turns out living in waiting limbo land is not a particularly fun place to be. Aside from the normal frustrations, lately I'm getting really annoyed with the fact that we just can't plan anything in the next few months without in the back of my mind thinking "oh wait, we might be in Guatemala at that time" or wondering if by some miracle we might have Cameron home in a couple months and therefore won't be doing much of anything but spending time getting to know him! It's just little things like planning a weekend outing or maybe buying tickets for a play or something, nothing that it would be the end of the world if we had to cancel but it's just one more thing to wonder about.

Another frustration is shopping for baby stuff. How much do I really want to buy right now knowing that it might just sit around unused for so long? And if I buy clothes will he be grown out of them by the time he comes home? Who knows. And my wonderful friends want to throw me a shower and are wanting to start planning something but I just can't commit to a timeframe until we know more, preferably after the DNA testing. I'm just so paranoid that something will go wrong, and maybe I need to think more positively but I guess lately I'm in a "glass half empty" kind of mode.

So obviously I'm in kind of a down mood tonight, possibly hormone related since (oh goody) it's that time of the month. We DID get a few more pictures of our little guy yesterday which was exciting and unexpected, but for some reason that high didn't last as long as when we got the first set of pictures. Don't get me wrong, I love the new pics and can't stop looking at his sweet little face, but at the same time I see him getting older and I'm not there to see him changing from day to day. It's amazing what a difference a few weeks makes when they are that age and this is just another reminder of that. Hopefully we'll hear some good news this week and things are moving along. That's probably a long shot with the embassy problems but who knows.

I guess I'm just rambling...I haven't had much to say lately. Again I am slacking in the posting department, I will have to do better! For now though I'm gonna go take my doggies for a walk and try to snap out of this funk!

A not-so-unexpected delay

I had heard talk of back-ups at the US Embassy from other bloggers but now our agency reconfirmed that our DNA test could take a while. Apparently attorneys are having to wait “in line” for 2-3 weeks before they can get into the embassy to present the paperwork. The Embassy is handing out numbers every day but they hand out a hundred or more numbers daily and are only seeing 15-40 people per day and as a result are super backed up. Wonderful. Then they said once she has permission to do the DNA test it will take a week or two to schedule the lab appointment then it’s usually about 2 weeks for the results to come in.

So our best guess is that we won’t be able to visit until late March or even April. I'm frustrated over this not only because Cameron will be almost 5 months old by the time we can meet him but also the whole month of March looks to be dead at work then guess when things will pick up again? You guessed it, end of March, beginning of April. I guess life will go on if I miss a couple days of work (after all I'll be gone for several weeks once we finally bring our baby home) but it would have been nice to be gone during our slow time. But that's typical and why would I expect things to go differently? At least we have a target timeframe and can start to plan a little, then if things go more quickly it will just be a happy surprise! I do sincerely hope we get more updates and pictures before then however or I’m going to go crazy!

Other than that not much is happening in my world. I have this awful lingering head cold from hell that won’t die. I am so amazed at just how much snot my body can produce in a day! You would think I would dry out eventually but it just keeps replenishing! Oh well, it gives me yet another good excuse not to clean the house, I must rest so my cold will get better! Unfortunately nobody else is cleaning the house while I’m resting so I may have to break down and do a little housework. Darn the responsibilities! I know, just wait right? I have it easy now, I realize, but I’m milking this out as long as I can before mommydom sets in and I can never be sick again! I must enjoy the childless life while I can, it’s my only perk while in this horrible waiting stage!

Baby, it's cold outside!

Some days I ask myself WHY I live in Wisconsin. Why didn't I move somewhere warmer after college when I had the chance? No, I had to fall in love, get married, settle down. Now we have ties here...a house, jobs, friends...drat! I know, we can get a new house and jobs and friends, but I'm sort of attached to the ones I have! :)

Granted, this winter has been very mild, especially January. But now it's coming back with a vengeance to kick our butts! First we had a major blizzard on Thursday (but they closed our office at noon so I got half a snow day). Then yesterday the temps plummeted into the negative numbers. When I went to bed last night it was -9 and now this morning I see reports of -16 degrees! Ack! My poor dogs don't even want to go out ot pee, not that I blame them! As much as I'm sick of waiting, it's probably a good thing it will be warmer when Cameron comes home, his little body needs time to adjust to this climate before winter hits! In the mean time let's get this DNA test moving, hubby and I need a nice vacation to a warm climate to hang out with our little guy!

From good to better

First of all, I can't believe it's been so long since I posted anything! What a slacker! I guess I didn't have anything to say but to whine about our missing paperwork so I was just avoiding the computer. I'm back now and have good news!

I was feeling really crabby and frustrated all week and had been planning to e-mail our case worker to see if she had any news when suddenly I got an e-mail from her! Our attorney said our documents have all been translated and legalized and we are entering family court! She is waiting for a social worker to be assigned then our case can get moving! Woo-hoo! Finally things are happening! She assured us that things could still move along even without the I-171H, just not DNA testing but that paperwork was also being prepared and as soon as our immigration clearance arrived that would get moving too. Ok, cool. Enough to get me through another day anyway!

Then I got home from work and guess what was in the mail?!? Our I-171H finally arrived after a 5 1/2 week wait from hell! Oh happy day! We are SOOOOOO relieved to have that sucker in hand! Oh yeah, then my dog almost ripped it in half because she was having a needy "you've been gone all day pay attention to me" moment and started pawing at the letter I was reading. Luckily I got it up high enough in time to avoid disaster! Wouldn't that have been cool to send a ripped and taped up I-171H to our agency!

Anyway, now I can relax a little bit before I start my next round of worry and anxiety over DNA testing! I wonder how long THAT will take! One day at a time...deep breaths...I just have to keep up a positive attitude and it will all be ok, right?!?

Still waiting...

It's now officially been over 4 weeks since our fingerprint appointment and we STILL have not received our I-171H form. I've been trying to be patient...we were told 3-4 weeks...but this is getting ridiculous! What's worse is that our agency contact called USCIS on Friday to try to find out what the holdup was and they apparently have not returned her call yet! Nice. I wish I could take that long to return a phone call at MY job.

At least we did get our video as promised from the agency on Saturday. It's only about 4 minutes long but it's enough for me to see that my little boy is being well taken care of and he looks very healthy and happy. They videotaped his foster mom opening up the package I sent and she seemed to like it very much. She immediately replaced the blanket that was in Cameron's carrier and put the new blanket I had made under him (he is laying on it in some of the pictures I got too). All the while Cameron is just really calm yet alert and wide-eyed, and he seems like a mellow little baby! I can tell even from this short video that his foster mom must care very much for him. I cannot imagine how hard that must be to care for these infants as if they are your own and still know in your heart they will leave someday. They are very wonderful women in my opinion.

I did get very emotional watching the DVD as you might imagine. Ok, maybe very emotional is an understatement. I completely LOST IT...I had a complete and total meltdown. As soon as it started playing I began sobbing uncontrollably, you know the kind of sobs where you can hardly catch your breath? That was me, sitting on the floor in front of the TV in my living room just sobbing. I was just so overcome with emotion at seeing my baby boy in live action, seeing his foster mom interact with him, knowing that she was experiencing all the joys that I am missing right now. It was suddenly so overwhelming and I guess I had a lot of built up emotions that had to get out! (Of course it also didn't help that we had a bowling tournament on Saturday afternoon so we had been out drinking most of the afternoon and evening prior to coming home and finding the DVD in the mail. Drinking apparently makes me more susceptible to crying fits, I've noticed this on other occasions though not to this extent.) And my poor husband didn't know WHAT to do with me because he couldn't get me to stop crying OR stop watching the clip over and over again. Somehow he finally got me to settle down and go to bed though I'm not sure when or how. The next morning was rough, not only from the hangover but my eyes were puffy and sore from crying too. I must have looked a mess at church...oh well!

Anyway, that's my news for today, or lack of news I guess. I hope those yahoo's at USCIS call back tomorrow or I'm gonna have to start sending hate mail or something. Geesh, they are as bad as our human resources department at my work...but that's a story for another day!