Life on hold
Not that it's any surprise, but as it turns out living in waiting limbo land is not a particularly fun place to be. Aside from the normal frustrations, lately I'm getting really annoyed with the fact that we just can't plan anything in the next few months without in the back of my mind thinking "oh wait, we might be in Guatemala at that time" or wondering if by some miracle we might have Cameron home in a couple months and therefore won't be doing much of anything but spending time getting to know him! It's just little things like planning a weekend outing or maybe buying tickets for a play or something, nothing that it would be the end of the world if we had to cancel but it's just one more thing to wonder about.
Another frustration is shopping for baby stuff. How much do I really want to buy right now knowing that it might just sit around unused for so long? And if I buy clothes will he be grown out of them by the time he comes home? Who knows. And my wonderful friends want to throw me a shower and are wanting to start planning something but I just can't commit to a timeframe until we know more, preferably after the DNA testing. I'm just so paranoid that something will go wrong, and maybe I need to think more positively but I guess lately I'm in a "glass half empty" kind of mode.
So obviously I'm in kind of a down mood tonight, possibly hormone related since (oh goody) it's that time of the month. We DID get a few more pictures of our little guy yesterday which was exciting and unexpected, but for some reason that high didn't last as long as when we got the first set of pictures. Don't get me wrong, I love the new pics and can't stop looking at his sweet little face, but at the same time I see him getting older and I'm not there to see him changing from day to day. It's amazing what a difference a few weeks makes when they are that age and this is just another reminder of that. Hopefully we'll hear some good news this week and things are moving along. That's probably a long shot with the embassy problems but who knows.
I guess I'm just rambling...I haven't had much to say lately. Again I am slacking in the posting department, I will have to do better! For now though I'm gonna go take my doggies for a walk and try to snap out of this funk!
posted by Kristin at 5:03 PM
4 Comments:
Kristin - you are in the TOUGHEST part of this whole process, in my opinion! Hang in there, it WILL get easier.
It's so hard being in limbo, not knowing when DNA will be taken, etc. But it will happen (soon, I hope!) and then things will roll, and you'll get happier and happier.
My assvice is to go ahead and do the weekend things, try to enjoy things now, without scheduling things too far in advance.
Maybe going ahead with the shower will give you a boost- you can tell the planners to ask that clothing be at least size 6 months or older, or something to that effect - if you get Cameron home earlier, or he's small enough for smaller clothes, you can always buy those last minute.
OK, I'll stop with the assvice, I just want to give you a big hug and tell you I know how you feel.
Hang in there hon! It is so very hard to be in limbo. I hope you get the DNA test really quickly.
i totally understand about the shopping! i actually get angry when we cruise through the baby isle at target. like, i know i need that..but maybe i won't if they are X months old. I ranted to my husband in a hizzy and said, "who knows, they may be talking by the time they get home to us. They will be all, 'Hey mom, I'm home' when we first meet them!" This was flying out of my mouth after a little jaunt through the baby isle. ugh!
loves!!
I agree, the limbo was one of the hardest parts by far. I agree with Erica though, and say go ahead and do the things. I wish we had. Most things can be canceled if necessary. I hope the DNA happens SOON! Are you still in Family Court? It took FOREVER for our DNA to be done (four months to be exact). Once we got that though, everything went quickly for us. I know that doesn't help but..... He sure is a cutie though!
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