Mixed emotions

Ah so, another 2 weeks has flown by since my last post! I guess I have had other things keeping me occupied and haven't had much time to sit and type a coherent message. I can hardly believe it's been 6 weeks since Cameron became ours forever, how fast the time flies by! He's still doing great and definitely feels at home here with us. In fact I'm pretty sure he's figured out that he rules this household now! Ok, maybe not entirely, but of course so much of what we do revolves around him and his schedule now! Which is what happens when you have a baby I suspect, regardless of how that baby came into your life!

So I now have 2 weeks left before I go back to work and I'm having all kinds of mixed emotions about going back. I have always said I would go back to work, it really isn't financially an option for me to stay home. And if I'm being truly honest, I don't think being a SAHM is for me. I truly respect women who do stay home with their kids, it is definitely a full time job and takes a lot of patience and I would think creativity to keep the kids happy without losing your mind in the process! But for me, I think it would be too much to stay home full time. In all honesty I'm sort of looking forward to getting back to it...my mind feels kind of mushy from all the baby talk and playing and Sesame Street...but at the same time I feel guilty for leaving this sweet little boy who has come to trust and depend on me as his mommy. We do have a wonderful daycare lined up for him, one which I know he will like and I feel very confident in the facility and the staff there. I think he'll do fine and while those first couple days of separation will be the worst for both of us, I'm sure he will enjoy it. He loves being around other kids so this will be a good change from being with me and the dogs and cats all day! And my husband works goofy retail hours so he'll only be there 3-4 days a week and not full time, so that's a definite plus.

But still...people around me seem to be making me feel so guilty lately! I know they don't mean to but they do. I have had so many friends and aquantances ask me how I feel about going back to work soon and commenting on how hard that will be and asking me if I've ever considered staying home or working part time or whatever. I feel like saying to them, "What? No I never even THOUGHT about it, I'm so glad you gave me the idea! What the hell was I thinking?!" Of course I thought about it, long and hard, and I'm going back to work, does that make me a bad mother? I hope not. Any words of wisdom from working Mom's out there? How do you juggle career and family and not feel like you're coming up short on one end or the other? All I can do is give it a shot and see how it goes, right? Thank goodness for 2 more weeks!