How pathetic is this?

Let me just preface this story by saying that health insurance sucks. I cannot understand how we can spend so much money a year on something that totally blows so badly. And then just when you think you have your policy limitations figured out and you have a dr. that you like...WHAMO your employer changes insurance carriers and you have to start all over! Now granted, if the premiums are going to be lower and the coverage better than I guess I can live with the change but it's just really damn annoying is all.

So anyway, as you may have figured out from that statement, our insurance company changed and now my old dr. is not covered by new insurance. I haven't actually been to my OB/GYN for a while now because we gave up on TTC and any kind of fertility treatments in general, but I had grown fond of her in our time together. That and she is the dr. who FINALLY diagnosed my endo and gave us the reason we weren't getting pregnant which was like winning the lottery in some ways...or losing it...depends on how you look at it. Sort of a glass half full or half empty kind of a thing I guess. Anyway, she had fixed me up as best she could and even though my entire reproductive system had been a horrible mess, she was always positive about our chances of getting pg someday. Unfortunately that never happened, but she always sent me home with a glimmer of hope and I appreciated that.

But today I had to go to the office and fill out a release form to have my records transferred to yet another new dr., one that my new crappy insurance will support. And as I left the office, knowing that I would probably never be in there again, I felt really sad! I was almost tearing up in the parking lot!! Is that the most messed up thing EVER? And the thing is, I was emotional upon leaving not just because I did like this dr. and was cranky that I had to switch again, but even more I just felt really strongly that this was some sort of closure to all the infertility garbage that we had been through in the past 4 years. Like I was saying goodbye to the past and moving on to the future, a graduation of sorts. Is that totally insane? I guess that's the kind of twisted shit we go through with we deal with IF, you spend so much time with your legs up in stirrups, counting cycle days and analyzing imaginary pg syptoms and then you finally go just a little bit crazy. So anyway, that was a long story to a short point...I wish I didn't have to switch dr's but I'm ready to move on.

And on the adoption front, we got our second packet of info and it's off to another round of lovely paperwork! This month's installment includes some employment verification, everything you wanted to know about our financial status in this world, and the straight to paperback autobiography of us! Want to know about my parents? My childhood? How I met my wonderful husband? Hmmm...do I leave out the part that we met in a bar when we were both tanked up? I don't think that lends itself to a responsible parent. Oh God, what have we gotten ourselves into?!?