The Unmarked Path

And a year goes by...

2009-07-24T07:18:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how fast a year can whizz by. That's apparently how long it's been since I posted an update to this blog. I've sat down intending to writing something many times but just never felt like I had anything interesting to say. I still don't...and I'm sure not a soul checks this page anymore anyway, but maybe I'll give you a quick update just in case someone stumbles upon this page again.

So let's see, in the past year:

- Cameron has grown by leaps and bounds...now sleeps in a big boy bed and is about 75% potty trained (finally....but still refuses to do #2 on the potty...any suggestions??). We've been working on the potty thing for a LONG time but something finally clicked with him. I was worried I would have to start buying Depends because he was going to outgrow his Luvs before he was trained!

- Cameron's daycare that we loved decided to close (supid friggin' crappy economy) and we had to find a new daycare. We all like the new place but it's not the same...it's hard to leave a place that felt like home away from home to start over again. He's been going there for about 6 weeks and still is having separation issues when I drop him off in the morning which is extremely hard on mom but I know he's fine about 1 minute after I leave the parking lot. Still it's not fun and hopefully this will continue to improve over time.

- We had to have our 13 year old dog Maggy put to sleep. She was the sweetest dog and I still miss her a lot...though the squirrels in the backyard don't!

- We had to have our siamese cat put to sleep who was only around 10 and should have had a much longer life. (I was not happy with the way the vet handled the situation and though I know my kitty was sick I think there was more they could have done for him and deep down I totally blame them for the loss.)

- We adopted a new cat (Cosmo) and a new dog (Harvey) from the humane society and they have become wonderful new members of our family. Also we found a new vet that we really like.

- I found out in April that my company is closing and moving operations to Atlanta to be housed with our parent company. I could have relocated but Atlanta is not my ideal location and we're happy here so I'm done in December.

- I'm planning to go back to school in January and get into the medical field where hopefully there will actually be some jobs when I'm done. In some ways I'm excited about it, but in other ways I'm sad that my Bachelor's degree is totally going to waste as I go into a completely different field. Oh well...change is good, right?

Anyway, I can't think of much else right now, those are the highlights anyway. I'll try to check in and post from time to time but I can't guarantee it won't be another year from now! In the mean time here's a couple pictures of the boy:

This was taken last fall at a petting zoo type place.

This spring he got to go to his first bowling birthday party and he LOVED it. The boy loves to bowl and look at that form!

These are our new family members, Cosmo and Harvey. They have made themselves right at home as you can see! (They don't always get along this well, don't let the picture fool you!)

Cameron and Harvey get along great most of the time but they tend to fight like siblings! Harvey is great with him though and puts up with a LOT from his 3 yr old brother! Here they were hanging out for a Sunday afternoon nap together.

I still can't get over how big he's grown! Here is a pic from our recent trip to Nebraska to visit my Grandma.

What has happened to me?

2008-07-29T19:59:00.000-07:00

I recently realized that I no longer remember what my life was like before I became a Mommy. I'm pretty sure I used to go out with friends and have a not-so-occasional cocktail. I think I used to have semi decent taste in movies, tv and music. Tonight I just spent half an hour looking up The Wiggles on Am@zon.com trying figure out what CD has the song 'Rockabye Your Bear' on it. 'Nuff said I think...

Bad Mommy

2008-06-02T08:38:00.000-07:00

I'm done drooling over Johnny Depp for a while and decided to get back to my mommy blog. (Ok, I was actually over my JD excitement a few days after the meeting, but I haven't had time to post anything.)

Today I stayed home sick from work. I'm not really that sick, I do have some kind of allergy thing going on and did not get much sleep last night, but mostly I was just tired and had a case of the Mondays and decided to play hookie. (I do this VERY rarely and end up feeling guilty the entire day...I feel guilty right now...instead of relaxing and recharging which is what I really need) So I went back to bed and tried to sleep, and for whatever reason I started thinking about lifebooks. Or more specifically, my lack of any kind of lifebook or adoption journal for my son. I think this popped into my head because Brian and I were discussing how in a month it will be our 2 year anniversary of Cameron's gotcha day, 2 years since we became a forever family, and we thought we should do a little something to celebrate. Which also got me thinking that my boy is getting older, and although I do bring up the adoption idea in casual conversation and in some of his children's books, it's probably time to start exploring this idea with him a little more in depth.

A lifebook is something I feel is important, something I've been meaning to start for a long time. You know, about 2 1/2 years now, since we first got the call that we had a baby boy. But here it is 2 1/2 years later and all I have to show for it is a somewhat-kept-up-with photo album, some random souvenirs from our Guat trips, and lots of adoption documents in a fire safe. Oh, and the ramblings on this blog which I guess would count as somewhat of a journal. Not very organized, eh?

So I went and dug up my "Lifebooks" workbook and read through it for about the 4th or 5th time hoping for inspiration. Then I surfed the net for a while and found some really great examples of scrapbooking pages, but I am not a scrapbook type person and I don't know if I have the creativity in me to put one together. I found a good article on making digital photo memory books through various websites, which are pretty cool too and you can even add captions and journals, etc then it gets printed up and bound like a regular book. Cameron LOVES books and loves looking at pictures of himself and our family so I could see this being right up his alley, but then I wonder how much information do I put in it? If it was a scrapbook with removable pages I would put more confidential info in about his birthmother and a picture, but if it's just a printed up photo book I don't want the whole world to see that information, because that is for my son's eyes and when he is older he can decide who to share that with, if anyone. But I also don't want him to have this book but not be able to share it with poeple if he wants just because a page or two is sensitive.

So now I'm sitting here frustrated and confused, knowing I want to do something for my son but not sure what. Part of me is thinking I could whip together a cute photo book for him as a gotcha day gift, but not get into too much detail and then when he's a bit older we could do a lifebook together with the paper cut-outs and the whole nine yards. For a toddler maybe this is best anyway? Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions? What have you done for your children? I don't know if many people even still even look at this blog anymore, but if you are lurking and have some ideas please help me out!

My week as a celebrity stalker

2008-04-19T13:20:00.000-07:00

It's been a crazy, fun week for me. Some incredible news hit a while back and I have been eager with anticipation: Johnny Depp was filming a movie in Wisconsin, and part of it was being filmed in the town where I work! It's a 30s gangster flick and Johnny is portraying the bank robber John Dillinger. How cool is that? Wait, it gets better. The parts that will be filmed in our town will be in the downtown area, only 2 blocks away from where I work!!

Now all of this would probably be exciting to anyone, but for me it was AMAZING because Johnny Depp is one of my all time favorite stars, one who was plastered all over my room as a teen. As I got older the pin-ups come down but I have always held a special place in my heart for Johnny so this was so incredibly exciting! Then I find out that some of the scenes are being shot at a building that is directly across from where I work, in clear view of my window! I couldn't believe my luck. I charged up the batteries in my digital camera, dug out some binoculars, and got ready for the week of filming. So begins the story of how I went from a mild mannered occasional celebrity gossip follower to a full-on celebristalker. (I don’t think that’s really a word but I like it.)

Here is how the week played out…

Monday, April 14: This is the morning when filming for the movie began downtown. As I mentioned before, the window in my cubicle at work directly faces the building they were going to shoot for one of the bank robberies. I was psyched thinking I would have awesome viewing for this event. Armed with binoculars and my camera I head upstairs to me desk ready to spy, but lo and behold I find this scene out my window:
Please take note of the GIANT green screen in front of the building, blocking our view of all the action. We are guessing this was used so they can insert a better background into the shots than the skuzzy parking lot, but come on Universal Studios, throw us a bone here! Hmpf.

About 9am or so they did drop the screen (woo-hoo!) and the girls in my department and I were able to catch a glimpse of what appears to be rehearsal of John Dillinger (Johnny Depp) leaving the bank holding a gun and a hostage through the binoculars. We think we have officially spotted Johnny and there is much excitement. (I didn’t know that many women could fit into one cubicle!) A little while later one of the women on our floor whose son is working as an extra in the bank scene texted to say that it was NOT Johnny we saw, it was one of his doubles. We are bummed and have convinced ourselves that we saw the real thing, we don’t care what anyone says!

Having had just a small taste of the action, a group of us head out at lunchtime on the hunt to see what we can see. We want to get a closer look at the set, and we can see crowds of people forming by the barricades so there must be something exciting down there. Of course you cannot get anywhere near anything, and there are obstructions EVERYWHERE. This is as close as we can get from the front.

We walked the full perimeter of the set as close as we can get behind the roadblocks and see nothing but some extras going into a building for lunch break. Drat. Here's a picture of our group, I am the one sporting the giant binoculars. (Not obvious or dorky at all.)

That afternoon the green screen was back up again, but there is a chase scene being filmed in front of the building so we can hear gunfire and then see cars racing through the openings between the buildings. There is a definite Johnny sighting through the binoculars, he is hanging off the side of the car as they fly by! Very exciting stuff! We are all cursing the fact that we have a deadline this week and cannot take the afternoon off to go outside and watch, but at the same time we know we have a better view from the window. (In reality nobody got anything done all afternoon because we were all watching out the window anyway…) They ran the scene several more times but there was always a good half hour or so between takes. I’m amazed at how long and slow this movie making process is. At the end of the workday I wanted nothing more than to be able to stay after and go down to watch the filming, but alas I know I need to go home to my son and husband and I have choir rehearsal. Day one of celebristalking is kind of a bust.

Tuesday, April 15th: I arrive at work and of course the morning coffee talk revolves around the filming. I found out that Johnny went out and shook hands and talked to fans after filming wrapped the night before and I’m cursing the fact that I went to choir practice instead of staying. I really need to rethink my priorities I guess!

It’s now day two of filming. We’ve been told by a reliable source that filming will continue outside of town today, which turns out to be true. They shot a few scenes in the morning outside our building again but there is no Johnny, and by noon they are all packed up and gone. I got a lot more work done on Tuesday, go figure!

Before leaving work my friend Lindsay and I make a pact that we will spend as much of the day as possible stalking Johnny on Wednesday.

Wednesday, April 16th: The morning begins with my coworker friend sharing her exciting story of how she got to meet Johnny Depp last night at her friend’s church! Apparently the production crew had rented out her church to be "base camp" for the crew because it was close to the site they were filming a car chase out in the country. Apparently her friend had called to let her know he was going to do another “meet and greet” at that site when they were done filming that night and she should get her butt over there. She did and she got to say hello and shake his hand! She has a cute picture of Johnny talking to her 13 year old son. We were all excited and happy for her, but also insanely jealous. Lindsay and I have vowed we will not rest until we too have had our own face to face encounter.

Today filming is back in town, this time they are in the middle of downtown filming at a different bank. These scenes are a lot more involved and much the downtown area has been spiffed up and decked out 30s style. It was really cool to see the transformation. We can no longer see anything from our building so Lindsay and I take a walk at lunch to see what’s happening. Today things are blocked off even farther away from the action so they don’t accidentally get people or cars in the shots. We do a walk around the full filming perimeter, but even through binoculars you can’t really see much. It’s still exciting because we know SOMETHING is happening down there and there were tons of extras in 30s attire wandering around which at least gave us something to look at.

Unfortunately we had to head back to work but as we were, but as we were crossing the street on the back side of main, kind of near where all the actors trailers are parked, we suddenly the crowd of gawkers ahead of us starting to wave and yell. We whip around to see what’s happening and here comes Johnny Depp’s SUV driving around the corner straight for us! Literally, we had to move out of the way in order for it to get by us! And there was Johnny in the back seat on the side towards us. He had the window open and was waving at the crowd, then he waved and smiled at us…less than 5 feet away! We were so excited that we finally got a glimpse of the man, and it was just dumb luck! Of course I didn’t have my camera ready since we were walking back to work so as I'm gawking and moving out of the way of his moving vehicle I'm also trying to get my camera out and turned on. In all the frenzied excitement I managed to only get this awesome picture of my head. Ugh! I did get a picture of his vehicle AFTER he was way out of eyesight. So I missed my perfect photo opportunity...but we had a great story to get us through the afternoon!

After work Lindsay and I decided to go find a spot near the trailers and stay there as long as we had to in order to see Johnny again. Rumor was that he would do another “meet and greet” after filming and we were not going to miss it this time! We checked out the street near the trailers and there was an area that seemed to be set up for this. (It kind of looked like a cattle corral actually) The very front by the barriers was already filled up with people but we found a good spot which was very close to the front, definitely close enough to reach for a handshake, so we were psyched. As we were standing there the crowd starts yelling and waving again, it's another drive-by! This time I have my camera on and ready to go...but I'm so excited that I accidentally clicked the picture way too soon and by the time my camera reset itself for another picture he was long gone. I did get this stellar shot...

I'm feeling that a future career as a paparazzi photographer is NOT a good idea!

We waited some more and were chit-chatting with the people in front of us, sharing our sighting stories, and even held their spots for them while they went to use the bathroom. It’s always good to make friends with your neighbors in these situations I think. Then one of them tells us she has to leave so to take her spot. We thought she meant temporarily leave again, but no she means she has to leave altogether and she is giving us her place! She had been up at the very front and pretty spread out so we were both able to squeeze in that spot and suddenly, there we were at the very front of the barrier, waiting to meet Johnny Depp!

We waited and waited again, for what seemed like an eternity, but we were in a good spot near a lot of the security guards so we could hear them talking about what was going on. There were a LOT of people out that night and they kept cautioning everyone to be quiet and stay calm or he would not come out. Apparently there was concern over the large crowd getting unruly and that we would maul the poor guy or grab him and run. But everyone was calm and shushing each other, we did NOT want to ruin this perfect opportunity! Finally the word is that JD is out and working his way down the line. We weren’t sure we believed it because it was SO quiet, but people were behaving just as they were told. Apparently at these meet and greets he doesn’t sign autographs but he shakes hands and chats with the crowds. By now we were so nervous and excited and were trying to come up with something cool to say to him! Everyone was craning their necks trying to see how close he was, but it’s now past 8pm and it’s dark outside so we can’t see anything. He finally got close enough so I could take some pictures of him with the zoom all the way up so I’m trying shoot but the stupid auto focus on my camera always freaks out and can’t seem to adjust when it’s dark! Thankfully I did get a couple good pictures of the side of him as he made his way towards us.

He got up to Lindsay and I tried to snap a picture of him talking to her, but it was so dark and couldn't tell what I was aiming at, plus I forgot my stupid zoom was still all the way up so all I managed to get a picture of half of his face! (But you can see how close we were to him!)

Then he walks in front of me and I put my camera down because I was NOT going to ruin this moment by futzing around trying to take a picture. He grabbed my one hand while he was shaking hands with other people off to the sides of me but then turned and looked at me and I was so star struck all I could think to say was “It’s so great to meet you” and he said “Thanks for coming out tonight” or something (I honestly don’t even remember) and then he grabbed my other hand and he’s still looking at me (I think because Lindsay was taking our picture) and of course I can’t think of anything else to say so I just stare with a big dumb grin on my face. Then he squeezed my hand and let go and moved on. It was short and sweet but a moment I will treasure forever!

Here's the picture Lindsay took while he was talking to me. You can't see me, but he's holding my hands!

I was surprised at how short he is, only a few inches taller than me. He was very soft spoken but seemed genuinely nice and happy to come out and greet his fans. Thankfully he got through the line without incident and then was whisked away again by security.

Day three of amateur celebristalking turns out to be a total success, mission accomplished!

Thursday, April 17th: Lindsay and I spend most of the morning at work retelling the story of our adventures from the previous evening and sharing pictures. My boss has been a good sport about all of this because she likes Johnny Depp too and knows this is a once in lifetime experience, but I know she cannot WAIT for this week to be over so we can all get back to regular business!

At noon Lindsay and I took a short walk over by the set to see what’s happening. Nothing could top our experience from the day before so at this point it’s mainly just to get some fresh air. While we were standing there the big black SUV drives by again heading towards the set, but I couldn’t see if anyone was inside and neither could Lindsay. The girls nearby were super excited and said they saw Johnny wave. We are not convinced but we let them have their moment.

Thursday night was back to normal and I went home to the family. This stalking business is very exhausting and hard on the body so I was tired. Plus the entire week Cameron hasn’t been sleeping well so it’s been a double whammy. I showed Cameron my pictures from the night before and tell him its Captain Jack Sparrow (we watched Pirates of the Caribbean together the weekend before). He’s unimpressed and wants to watch Elmo. Life is slowing getting back to normal.

Friday, April 18th: It’s a quiet day. They are still filming downtown but again we can’t see anything from work. We didn’t go walking at lunch because we had a prior engagement to meet a friend, and besides it’s getting old at this point. I was a little sad knowing this was probably the last day of filming, and come Monday things would be back to normal, but I’m relieved as well. Celebristalking is very tiring work.

About 3:30pm things start happening outside my window again. Police are starting to gather and a few old cars are being parked on the street in front of the “bank” building. It seems as though they are going to film something there again! The binoculars come out again and sure enough, here comes Johnny to that spot again! We’re excited to see him again, but at the same time once you have touched and spoken to someone you really can’t top that by looking at him through binoculars from so far away. They must be shooting some really close-up’s of him because he’s leaning on top of the car with a giant gun shooting and the camera is almost in his face. It will be interesting to see how they edit that scene knowing that the close up shots were filmed 4 days after the original bank heist shots were filmed. Movie making is definitely an interesting process.

Anyway, I stayed at work a little late just to watch then about 5pm they finish up and Johnny’s SUV whisks him away. I said good-bye to him and headed home to my family. Now we just have to wait a year until the movie comes out so we can see Johnny and relive the memories all over again!

Next week I’m in New York for a few days for work so I won’t have much free time, but when I get back I’ll try to get back to writing about Cameron again because he’s way cuter and more important than Johnny Depp any day! (Sorry Johnny, it’s true.) Check out this future pin-up boy, matching socks and all!

Easter grass is evil

2008-03-29T13:44:00.000-07:00

It's now almost a full week past Easter Sunday and I'm still finding little translucent strands of plastic Easter grass all over my house! Now I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the best housekeeper, so it's not like I've vaccuumed everyday or anything, but the vacuum has run at least once since then and somehow the stuff seems to hide from it! Whoever invented that stuff should be shot, who says candy needs a decorative bed of fake grass to sit on/sink into?? Ugh!

Oh well, at least it was a nice Easter spent with family (though colder than we would have liked...and it SNOWED...) and Cameron had a great time. He got 4 (yes, that's right 4) Easter baskets this year. One from daycare, one from mom and dad (aka the Easter Bunny), and one from each Grandma. His favorite part by far was hunting for eggs, though he definitely has a sweet tooth so the massive amounts of candy were a big plus as well! Now I have spent the week trying to ration the candy that he is consuming while not consuming too much myself. No easy task.

I know I'm a little late but here are some pictures from the holiday. (Jenn - no I'm not in any of these either because I'm always the one TAKING the pictures...talk to my husband about it!)

Coloring Easter Eggs...note that Cameron's fingers were actually picking up more dye than the eggs!

Who says that an Easter basket can't double as a hat? (All that candy makes a boy do strange things...)

I can't imagine HOW that Easter grass got all over the house...

EGGS!!

Yay for Pl@y-Doh, that Easter Bunny knows what's fun! (FYI, Pl@y-Doh is evil as well...I'll be vacuuming up little tiny dried up pieces of that stuff until he outgrows it...sigh)

And it was a bit cold but we still managed to get outside and play in the sun. I think that swingset in the backyard is going to get a lot more use this year!

The winter of never-ending sickness

2008-03-17T19:45:00.000-07:00

This has been a looooonggg winter for many reason. There has been a shit-ton of snow for one thing, alternating with weeks of below zero temps, add to that a stir-crazy toddler running around the house wanting to watch Elmo 24-7 for lack of anything better to do (he has learned to ignore the giant piles of toys all over the house, those are soooo last year), but to top it all off there has been "the sickness".

I can't remember exactly when it started, but it's been going on continuously all winter long with no end in sight. I'm pretty sure Cameron caught a bug at the daycare and brought "the sickness" into our home (I don't blame him by the way, we are the horrible working parents that subject our child to the germ-ridden daycare in the first place), but it's been passed around our family ever since. So first Cameron was sick for a while, then I caught the sickness, then Brian caught it. Then maybe there were a couple days there where we all felt pretty good...but that didn't last and the next thing you know one of us was sick again. I think I'm going to use up all our flex spending money on antibiotics and over-the-counter cold meds! At one point poor little Cameron had to be on nebulizer treatments for his nasty cough. Now let me tell you that stuff really works for him and his cough would improve dramatically after the treatments, but try getting a 2 year old to sit still for 7-10 minutes with a mask on his face blowing medicated air into his system. 'Nuff said.

So then last week we ended up taking Cameron in to the Dr. for the 3rd or 4th time this season (turned out he had a double ear infection, poor little guy!) and we are told that his pediatrician no longer works at that office. Wait, huh? "Didn't you get a letter in the mail?" they ask us? Um, no. So they have "assigned" him a different Dr., who seems very nice and I'm sure we will get to know and like, but in the mean time I can't help feeling really bummed out and slightly betrayed by his old dr. whom we saw just a month ago and gave no signs that she was leaving whatsoever! I really, really liked her...and now it sounds like she's gone to a different city to start her own practice. Well, good for her because she's awesome, but it sucks for us. Phooey.

So that was the bummer last week. Cameron is feeling much better though and seems to be on the mend. I'm sick again however. But then again it's Easter week and I cannot remember an Easter in my entire lifetime where I wasn't sick so I should know to expect this.

Anyway, enough of my whining for today. I'm off to medicate myself and then to bed! I'll be dreaming that Spring and good health are right around the corner!

4 Months in pictures

2008-03-06T19:35:00.000-08:00

What's been happening since I last posted? Not a whole heck of a lot. Mostly I've been busy being a working mom, nothing out of the ordinary has really been going on. And Cameron's been growing up in a hurry, a little too fast for his Mommy's liking. Since I know you're just here for cute kid pictures I'll try to recap the past 4 months in pictures.

Cameron turned 2 in November!

He loves the movie Cars so he had a "Lightning McQueen" cake. It appears that he is blowing out the candles in this picture but he was actually coughing on the cake! Oops. (Note to self: teach child how to cover his mouth when coughing and sneezing.)

He also LOVES Thomas and has spent a lot of time playing with this train set he got for his birthday.

This was one of the first snowfalls of the year...you know back when we thought snow was fun!

We tried to get the perfect Santa Hat picture for Christmas but this was the best I could get. Daddy's actually underneath our little Santa in PJs.

At some point this winter Cameron decided that he hated baths and would scream and cry through the entire thing until we discovered bathtub finger paints and wall stickies! Bath time has been fun ever since (thank goodness!).

Oh look, more $*&@*$# Snow!!! To entertain ourselves we put our kid to work shoveling the driveway and cleaning off our vehicles.

In February we took a vacation to (sometimes) sunny CA to visit my brother and SIL and meet my 5 month old niece Gemma. Cameron had lots of fun with his baby cousin (unless his Mommy tried to hold her in which case he became EXTREMELY jealous!). We tried to have a photo shoot of the kids together but they were both too busy staring at the TV!

And although it was the rainy season there (they live near San Jose) so it was still pretty cool in the 50s and 60s but it was about 50 degrees warmer than Wisconsin so we were loving it! Cameron had a great time playing outside and we can't wait for Spring to arrive in our neck of the woods!

Belated Happy Halloween

2007-11-03T11:25:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm still here. I have thought about posting something several times over the past 2 months but nothing ever seems that interesting. The fact is, my life is pretty darn boring! I've been busy at work, I've been busy at home, my toddler is a handful...you know, same old, same old!

Cameron is doing great and gets smarter and funnier every day. The kid really cracks me up, I swear he's going to be a comedian someday! Or at least the class clown, so I'm already bracing myself for those teacher phone calls! Hahaha! He had a great Halloween and mastered the art of trick or treating very quickly! I swear the kid just knows how cute he is and uses that to his advantage in every situation! So he made a haul, and his new favorite word is "candy" which he asks for about 576 times a day! I let him go a little overboard with eating the sweet stuff on Halloween but from then on I have tried to limit him to one or two pieces a day. But he still asks for it constantly. I can't wait for the pumkin bucket to be empty! Needless to say, Daddy and Mommy have had to help out with getting rid of some of the excess for him. Ahem...

So not much else is new. My little boy is going to be 2 years old on the 15th of this month, can you believe it? I'm having a little bit of a hard time with it, my baby is just growing so fast and is definitely not a baby anymore! But he's at such a fun age now, and I am amazed looking back at pictures from his 1st birthday just how much he's changed! I've already gone way overboard with buying him presents, despite the fact that we swore we weren't going to buy so much stuff this year and were saving for something bigger for Christmas. Oh well...he's our only child and we may as well spoil him a little, right?

I'll leave you with some pictures of my little Lion from Halloween. This first one was taken right before we left for trick or treating and he was pretty crabby about the whole costume thing!

It didn't take long however and he had the whole gig figured out. Here he is on a mission to find more candy!

Here's our happy little lion, on a sugar high, posing on Daddy's fall display in front of our house. Happy Halloween!

Happy days, sad days

2007-09-09T10:30:00.000-07:00

I'm amazed to see that it's been over a month since I posted. I certainly have had plenty to talk about, but it's been a rough month and some things are hard to put into words.

Pretty much the entire month of August revolved around our sweet Golden Retriever Molly, who I'm very saddened to say we had to put to sleep just 2 weeks ago. She was 11 and had been showing her age more and more over the past year, but this summer she was getting worse and by the end of July seemed to have no energy to do anything. We took her to the vet early in the month to find out that she had a heart problem and was put on 2 different pills, one to regulate her heartbeat and the other to alleviate all this fluid build-up around her heart, both of them she needed 2 times a day. Now my Molly was always pretty good about taking meds if I stuck them into a treat or table scrap as needed, but as any dog owner probably knows they get wise to you after a few days of that and soon enough she was eating the treat and spitting out the ills. So then here we were shoving pills down her throat twice a day, which is not fun for the dog or the owner. They did seem to help for a while and we were so hopeful that this would prolong her life for a few years...but then she seemed to get worse again and then she stopped eating completely. I couldn't even force feed chicken broth down her and she could hardly get up without help anymore and would not walk more than a few feet without sitting back down to rest. She was clearly not getting better and we had to make the most difficult decision I can remember making in my lifetime, we had to let her go.

I don't know what it is about the bond between pets and owners, there is something there that cannot be explained unless you have experienced it. At work that day after I had said my goodbyes (and yes, I was a crazy fool for even showing up but I don't think "had dog put to sleep" counds for sick time) I was such a mess and couldn't stop crying. I'm embarrassed to say that I'm crying right now, 2 weeks later, and probably will still cry over her a month from now. She was my baby, and I miss her so much.

We still have our other dog Maggy who is a great companion and also is my little baby. She's doing well considering she lost her sister but she was more of a loner than Molly was. She's also getting spoiled rotten now and no longer has to share the Cameron "droppings" at dinnertime and gets extra treats just for being cute and cuddly! Everyone keeps asking us when we're going to get another dog now but I think I'm happy with a one kid, one dog family for now. Things could change but I think it's the best for now.

Anyway, on to a happer topic, our vacation over the past week and a half! We took Cameron on a long road trip to Nebraska to visit/meet his Great Grandma. My Grandma is such an rincredible lady, she's 89 years old and still lives alone out on the family farm. She doesn't farm anymore, she just rents out the land, but she still has a sizeable property to keep up with. She has a big garden that she plants and tends to on her own and she still does most of her own house work and a lot of yard work. I hope that if I live that long I'm able to do as much as she does!

So we packed up my parents mini van then the 5 of us headed out. It was a LONG 2 days in the car but we were really glad we broke it up into 2 shorter days instead of trying to drive the whole way in one day. Cameron did pretty well in the car all things considered. Our new portable DVD player was a lifesaver and he was pretty content to watch movies and of course Fraggle Rock for most of the ride. He did get restless and I think the last 2 hours in the car on the ride home were the worst as he was just DONE being in the car but mostly he was a trooper.

He just loved being out at Great Grandma's with all the room to run and places to explore. She has a really long gravel driveway and his favorite thing to do was collect rocks along the way when we would go for walks to get the mail and such. One of our big projects for the week was to cut a bunch of dead trees down around the property and he was "helping" with that by picking up sticks and things. During the project we made the mistake of giving him a ride in the yard cart once and after that he thought he should be carted around in it all the time! It was a source of several tantrums whe we started putting sticks and other yard waste in the cart instead of the boy!! Luckily for us he's also easily distracted so we would quickly find other things for him to do or help with which sometimes worked and sometimes didn't. And we haven't even hit the terrible two's yet...

My husband just loves doing yardwork so this trip was right up his alley. He spent hours on the riding mower cleaning up the surrounding yard areas. Unfortunately it was super hot (in the upper 90's most days) and dry so the mower would kick up dust pretty badly. He enjoyed it though so it was all good. He mowed so much that he blew the belt on the mower and they had to give it a tune-up! Of course Cameron was right there getting dirty and "helping" to fix it!

Here is a halfway decent self portrait of Cameron and I. I'm never in pictures since I'm always the one taking them!

So basically it was a low-key vacation involving a lot of yard work and hanging out with family but it was fun and we all enjoyed ourselves. My dad and I even got along pretty well, or at least there weren't any shouting matches so that was good! When we left Grandma was already talking about us coming out next year! We'll see Grandma, we'll see!

And one more thing, while we were on our trip I became an Aunt! My brother and sister-in-law had their baby! It was a girl who they named Gemma Maria. She's adorable of course, and has a full head of dark hair just like her cousin Cameron! My SIL is Mexican and Gemma appears to have her mother's skin tone so Cameron and Gemma look more like cousins than they would if he were our bio child! I'll leave you with a picture of the little beauty, here is her very first picture! Welcome to the world Gemma!

Rummage sale success!!

2007-08-01T19:47:00.000-07:00

Well our big rummage sale over the weekend was a great success! Between 3 families we made over $800 and just our family made almost $500!! Woo-hoo! So it was worth the effort I think, we exceeded my expectations. Of course it was hard seeing all those baby things go but I know they have moved on to new people who will use them and have their own memories associated with them. And for the most part our prices must have been ok because there wasn't a lot of haggling which I don't deal with well. A couple of people did piss me off royally because they wanted stuff for practically nothing, but I just kept my cool and told them take my price or leave it. Of course they did just "leave it" but I don't care. If you don't appreciate the value of my crap then get outta here! ;)

So now I'm doing some shopping to spend some of the loot on a portable DVD player for our vacation at the end of the month. That way Cameron can watch his Fr@ggle Rock DVD's all the way to Grandma's until we are ready to throw them out the window! Don't get me wrong, I LOVE those Fraggles or I wouldn't have introduced him to them in the first place, but after the 300th viewing of anything you get a little tired of it! Time to buy season 2 I guess to mix it up! "Dance your cares away, worries for another day..."

Out of the tunnel, seeing the light!

2007-07-18T08:26:00.000-07:00

I finished our 12 month post placement report for the agency this week and, if I’m not mistaken, that is the last thing we have to complete and our adoption paperwork is DONE! Woo-hoo! Not that these post-placement reports were any big whoop, they are pretty easy to complete, except that I feel the questions they ask are a little vague and not really age appropriate (there’s one that asks something about what extracurricular activites your child is involved in, awards received, etc…umm yeah, he’s only 1 so we haven’t quite enrolled in tee-ball or spelling bee’s yet!). The hardest part was trying to pick only 8 pictures that reflect the past year with our son. Yeah, pick 8 pictures out of the 3,562 or however many I took this past year! (I go a little nutso with the digital camera, what did I ever do when I actually had film to develop?!?) But I found some that I thought were the best and off they go! I also printed out some more to send to Cameron’s foster Mom, I haven’t sent any since our last post-placement report and I’ve been feeling bad about this. I hope she eventually does receive them (I trust that my agency will forward them but once they get to Guatemala I just never know…), she won’t believe how much our little frijolito has grown! Anyway, I just had to share that one more milestone has come and almost gone!

On a different note, a rummage sale update! I finally compiled all of Cameron’s outgrown clothes and shoes and I had 3 huge totes full plus a big diaper box full of stuff! Yikes, where did all this crap come from! I did get a lot of stuff from work and a lot of it was gifts from all the various showers last summer, but I also freely admit that I went a little crazy buying clothes for him at the end of the summer clearance and over the winter. A lot of it he never even wore, how sad is that? So one of my best friends who has an 8 month old little guy came over last night and got to shop the early bird sale! She went home with a HUGE pile of clothes and a big smile on her face which made me feel much better about getting rid of it all. Now I can relive the cuteness when her little guy wears them and my friend, who is a stay-at-home-mom, saved a boatload of money on clothes for the year. It’s a win-win situation! Now if I can just get through 2 days of random strangers digging through my baby’s stuff…ack! I’ll just keep thinking “more money to buy new stuff…more money to buy new stuff…more money to buy new stuff…” :)

Happy 4th!

2007-07-04T12:16:00.000-07:00

The 4th of July has never been a big holiday for me. Not that I don't appreciate the whole Independence celebration, it's nice to see everyone show off their patriotism especially nowadays. And and I definitely enjoy the extra day off work (except when it falls on a Wednesday it sort of blows...but I'll take what I can get)! But I'm not a big fireworks lover, I hate the crowds and I HATE that the noise in my neighborhood will most likely last well past my bedtime, which will keep me awake due to the fact that my dog (who is terrified of fireworks) will be cowering near or on my head most of the night which makes it difficult to sleep.

That being said I must say that last year turned out to be an AWESOME 4th of July and now the holiday has sort of special meaning to our family. It was one year ago, on the 3rd of July actually, that we found out we had PINK and would be able to go to Guatemala and at long last bring our precious son home! I would say I remember it so well...but to be honest the whole day and week after is such a blur with so much going on! But now on this 4th of July holiday I get these warm fuzzies thinking about a year ago and how exciting that time was. After so much waiting the time had come!

Anyway, today things are MUCH different and we've spent the morning chasing our independent little toddler around the yard! He's so darn funny and cute right now but such a handful! Oh well, it's all good. Also we're trying to clean out the house and price stuff for our upcoming rummage sale. We've pretty much decided that Cameron will be our only child, and if we DID have another we'd just buy new stuff rather than pack rat all this baby stuff forever. So I've been doing my best to purge the house of clothes that Cameron's grown out of, toys that he shows no interest in, and other useless crap that we have taking up space all over the place. It feels good in a way but in other ways it is so hard to give up some things. I literally had a little breakdown this morning as I was piling up all of Cameron's outgrown 12M footie pajamas. I don't know why packing up THOSE hit harder than any of his other clothes but they did. He was just so darn cute in those pj's and could see the little scuffed knees from him crawling in them and I know he'll never be that small again. He's growing up so fast! I remember putting him in them in the fall when he was swimming in them because they were so big...and now he barely fits them and I know they won't fit at all come this fall. I know, I need to get over and move on but it's hard. I do have a little stash of special clothing items and toys that I won't get rid of...at least not yet...but you can't hold on to everything. *sigh*

Anyway, I better get back to my purging of the house. My husband has been through this room several times giving me the "Aren't you off the computer yet?" look so I better get out and help him! Naptime is almost over!

Here's a couple pictures too (which may be scattered all over this post...I have the worst time with pictures in my posts...). My Mom and Dad got Cameron this cool jeep at a rummage sale and he loves it! It's a "Flinstone Car" as I call them, he has to use his feet to make it go. He's about an inch too short to get it to go forward really well but he's good at reverse! Mostly he just likes to open the door and climb in and out of it anyway! Then there's my cool dude wearing Mommy's sunglasses. Check out all those teeth!!

How easy it is to lose touch...

2007-06-13T20:02:00.000-07:00

It's a sure sign that you've been a bad blogger when you actually forget your password and have to reset it in order to sign into your stupid account! Yikes.

Well, here I am...still alive...with not much new and exciting to say. I DO know what my password is now, but I'll probably forget again by the time I log in and post something again. Not that anyone probably reads this blog anymore so what does it really matter?!? I'll just keep checking in once in a while though, posting some pictures of my adorable son for nobody to see!

Speaking of little Mr. Cameron, he's been quite sassy lately and seems to be reaching the "terrible two's" at about 18 months old instead of 2 years old. They keep telling me how good he is when I pick him up from daycare and I tell them that he saves up all his naughty for when he gets home! Don't get me wrong, he's still a great kid overall, but that sweet little boy has his moods too! Mommyhood just keeps getting more challenging everyday! It's good though, it keeps life interesting to be sure!

I wish I had more time to type but I'm exhausted and heading to bed. I'll just leave you with some pictures (if I can get the to upload...stupid Blogger!). Enjoy!

Here's Cameron's new ride, what a cool dude!

Remember that bargain kid-size sofa I found that the cats were enjoying so much? Well it turns out Cameron really DOES like it and now he sits on it all the time. Here he is imitating Daddy with the remote!

These are from our recent camping trip to Devil's Lake State Park. It's our favorite place to camp in WI and it was Cameron's first outing. He had a great time as you can probably see!

Our pop-up camper is older and has this weird circus-like red and white striped awning that makes us easy to spot in a crowded campground! Here's our little man with his lawn mower AND his popper toy. He couldn't decide on one or the other!

Cameron wasn't interested in the Smores...he just wanted the chocolate bar! What a mess!

Memories

2007-04-20T19:57:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe this, but it's been exactly one year since we first traveled to Guatemala and met Cameron for the very first time! I've been thinking about it all day and it's brought back so many memories, mostly good but some sad like when I remember how horrible it was having to leave him! Now that he's been home with us for 9 months I can hardly even remember that horrible wait and it seems like he's been with us forever!

This is one of the first pictures of our son that we took that day. Wasn't he the cutest little thing?

And here he is much more recently at Easter! What a difference a year makes! Here he was "helping" to color Easter eggs!

The Easter bunny got a little out of control and brought Cameron a LOT of stuff this year. Next year she might need to tone it down a bit...but it was fun!

Lastly, this was not really an Easter present but we found it on Clearance and Cameron just LOVED it in the store...now that it's home this is mostly what we find!

Just some pictures

2007-03-11T10:02:00.000-07:00

Our little peanut has been sick this past week so I haven't had much time to do anything, let alone sit at a computer. He's finally better (and napping peacefully) so here are some pictures that I promised a while back! Enjoy!

Helping me put dishes "away".

Watching a little tv, probably Fraggle Rock!

Cameron loves to read books in his chair. Check out the bed head!

Playing outside in snow with Molly.

Just when I think I'm on the emotional mend...

2007-03-01T11:07:00.000-08:00

I found out recently that my brother and sister-in-law are expecting their first child. While I’m extremely happy for them, I’m also having some serious mixed emotions about it. It’s typical, just when I think I’m over the whole never-being-pregnant-or-having-a-bio-child thing something happens and those emotions come flooding back. I think I handle it pretty well nowadays, but for some reason this pregnancy is bothering me a lot. I think when it hit me the hardest was when we first got the news, we were over at my parents house and they called out of the blue so I knew something was up (they live in CA so we don’t see them a lot and generally phone calls are on Sunday, that’s just the schedule). So anyway, my brother is talking to my Dad and I could just tell from his side of the conversation what was up…and my heart started racing and I suddenly had the urge to just BOLT out of the house! I don’t know why but I just didn’t want to hear this news and have to be all happy-happy in front of everyone. Even after all this time and having Cameron home with me I still felt like this and it caught me a little off guard.

So I eventually the phone gets passed to me, and I act all surprised when my brother tells me they are expecting and offer my congrats and all that. My brother of course sounded happy about it but also really freaked out which, I’m sad to say, made me feel a little better! So then I get handed off to my SIL and again I have to be all nicey-nicey and ask her how she’s feeling and all that stuff. I can offer parental assvice to some extent nowadays, but when it comes to pregnancy I still have no clue so I felt like I sounded as fake as I actually was. So then I was able to pawn the phone off to my Mom and again resist the urge to sprint to the nearest broom closet and cry my eyes out. No, instead I get to listen to my mom’s end of the conversation where she starts offering up pregnancy advice and reliving pregnancy stories, which makes me feel even worse! After all, I never got to hear those stories or get that advice from MY mom, but now my SIL does. Not that I don’t love her to death, but it just felt suddenly so unfair, you know? So in a matter of minutes all the years of infertility pain and garbage all came flooding back to me and I felt that same old inadequacy that I had felt back when we were TTC without success. Just when I thought I had reached a better place and was able to put that in the past. I guess I’m not as strong as I think sometimes.

Lately I’m sorry to say that it’s become a struggle for me to remain upbeat and happy about this baby. On one hand of COURSE I’m excited to have a niece or nephew, the first on my side of the family, but on the other hand I HATE hearing all the happy little pregnancy details. Not that I want to hear bad news, I would feel TERRIBLE if something went wrong, but just keep the details to a minimum for the poor pathetic infertile’s sake…and skip ahead to when the baby is about 8 months old to when I can relate! Is it wrong of me to wallow in self pity once in a while? I love my son more than anything and I don’t regret the path of adoption that we chose for a second, but of course there are days when I wish things had been different…

So there’s my sob story for today. Next post I’ll try to post some Cameron pictures and remember just how lucky I am to have him in my life. Because I am, and I’m so happy and thankful to be his mom! Besides, I gained enough weight and had enough mood swings through the adoption process as it was, I’m pretty sure a pregnancy would have sent me over the edge! For now I’m just hoping they have a girl so I can get my cute, pink and frilly fix once in a while since the likelihood of us having another child is pretty low right now…but that’s a post for another day. For now I’m calling this pity party over and I have to get back to work!

15 Months

2007-02-26T08:22:00.000-08:00

Our little "baby" boy turned 15 months old this month and had his big check-up on Friday. It turned out to be slightly more traumatic for him (and Mom) than expected but overall was good. First off, he is a whopping 21lbs, 4oz which I think puts him at about the 25th percentile for weight. He is still on the small side for height and head circumference but he's growing normally so she said that is the most important part. She thinks he may "catch up" at some point but he might just be a petite person for his whole life. Unfortunately he still has the ear infection that we went to the walk-in clinic almost 2 weeks ago so he’s back on antibiotics again! We were not thrilled about this, but at least the new stuff is only ONCE a day for 10 days as opposed to THREE times a day for 10 days with the first round. Try getting a toddler to take 3 doses of anything a day for 10 days and see how that goes for you. 'Nuff said.

Then of course we had to do more shots, 3 this time. I'm pretty sure that with the list of immunizations they have going these days he might get done with his shots when he's 18!! Then unfortunately he had to go to the lab and have his finger pricked for blood, Dr. wanted to check his iron levels and something else. (Is that standard at that age? I forgot to ask...drat) He didn't like that much at all and of course getting a band-aid on that tiny little finger was no easy task so Cameron and I both ended up with blood stains on our clothes but it wasn't too serious. Then I got to chase him around the Pharmacy waiting room for 10 minutes while they filled his prescription! The days of him sitting in my lap and watching people are coming to an end...he wants to GO, GO, GO these days! Thank goodness they filled his Rx fast though!

So the verdict is he's a healthy little guy for the most part, we just have to get his ears cleared up! He's "talking" all the time now, just not in a language that anybody else can understand very much at this point. He says Dada with meaning or sometimes Da-dee, and he’s said nana towards Banana’s before, plus we've both heard something resembling the word "Kitty" when one of the cats is around but it’s kind of hard to catch. It sounds kind of like Ditty but with very little “t” sound. I have on rare occasions heard "Mama" but it's usually during times of great unhappiness where there is some wailing like Wahahahahahahahahahahamama as he's looking towards me to come pick him up or bring him something. So that's something I guess, we'll work on it! And of course you know he's walking...starting to RUN on occasion! The problem with the running is he gets his momentum up so fast and his legs can't keep up with his body at some point and he just falls flat on his face. This usually doesn't upset him though and he just keeps giggling! He's tough, he's all boy!

Well there's your update for a while! I would write more but I’ve been working on this post for the entire weekend. I tried to post it twice yesterday but Mr. Cameron decided I wasn’t paying enough attention to him and came over and turned the computer off. Little stinker. He does this quite frequently now since it’s on the floor and the on/off button has a light by it and he just LOVES to push buttons and see what happens! So between that and digging out of the more than a foot of snow that piled on us this weekend I didn’t get around to it! That’s why I have to come to work on Mondays, for a break! ;) I’ll try to post some pictures later from home, stay tuned!

Holy Crap it's Cold Outside!

2007-02-05T10:11:00.000-08:00

Current Temp here in Southeast WI is -4 degrees. Current Temp in Guatemala City is 73 degrees. It's a wonder Cameron isn't packing a bag and trying to move back! Poor kid.

Don't worry honey, tomorrow's high is supposed to be 10 degrees! It's a heat wave, woo-hoo!

No more bottles and other Big Boy accomplishments

2007-01-18T19:43:00.000-08:00

To some people this might not be a big deal but to me it’s major. It’s been just over a week since Cameron waved Bye-Bye to the bottle and has not looked back! I thought he was going to have an issue with it but apparently not! It was a slow process…we started with the morning bottle which didn’t seem to phase him at all…then there was the midday, just before afternoon nap bottle which, again, didn’t seem to be much of a problem. Then the one I was most concerned about was the bedtime bottle, but we just decided to try switching to a cup one night and he didn’t even seem to care! As long as he got milk somehow he was a happy camper! So apparently the one who was still attached to the bottle was MOMMY! It’s just that the bottle was that last little tie to him being a baby, and now he’s a full fledged toddler, sippy cup and all! I know it’s cliché, but they DO grow up so fast!

Other big boy accomplishments lately include waving bye-bye at appropriate times (as opposed to just random waving before), playing peek-a-boo, pointing to or grabbing his feet when I ask him where they are, and sometimes using a spoon to eat with. Ok, maybe he’s not quite ready to graduate from finger foods to using utensils, but when given yogurt or pudding he will dip the spoon in and lick it off, then dip again…you get the picture. While this process is painstakingly slow since he only gets a tiny drop on the spoon at a time, it’s a pretty big accomplishment in my book, and it's so cute to see how proud of himself he is! He’s also been really good about going to bed lately, which for a while was becoming increasingly difficult! I don’t know what’s changed other than we’ve just been really good about sticking to our bedtime routine which seems to help. For the longest time I was having to hold him and rock him to sleep, but some nights it would take 20 or 30 minutes of this before I could leave the room and it was getting out of hand! So now I turn his aquarium on and turn the lights out and I’ll hold him for 1, maybe 2 songs then I lay him down awake and leave the room. He usually cries for a minute or two but that’s it and he’s out like a light! Last night he didn’t even cry when I left, he just gave me this “I love you Mommy” look (the one that melts my heart…) and closed his eyes. So sweet. I don’t know what we’ve done to deserve to have such a wonderful little person in our lives but we are so truly blessed!

Though of course there are those tantrums that have been going on lately too, along with the big boy attitude…but I don’t want to spoil Cameron’s angel reputation for you just yet! ;)

I haven't taken many pictures since the holidays...shame on me...but here's a funny one that Daddy took of him out in his sled today. The poor kid can hardly move with his giant snowsuit on but he's warm at least! And yes, Daddy is pulling him down the driveway instead of through our yard full of snow. Don't ask me why because I'm not sure!

Getting into the new year

2007-01-07T19:29:00.000-08:00

Well the holidays have come and gone and it's a brand spanking new year. Big whoop. Don't get me wrong, Christmas with Cameron was great this year and I'm so very thankful to be starting a new year with our son home with us, but I just don't get too caught up in all the "new year, new beginnings" hoopla.

I guess it doesn't help that my first day back to work after the holidays included someone from my department being let go due to downsizing. Oh yeah, Happy F*&$#@! New Year! It was shocking, and very sad because she was a good friend who has been with the company for a lot more years than me. And as much as I was breathing a sigh of relief that it wasn't ME (this time at least) it still stings and your world is shaken up when stuff like that happens. Oh yeah, and as if that wasn't bad enough they are restructuring our department for like the 15th time in the last 5 years and I no longer report to the same person but have a new boss who I HATE!! Ok...hate is a strong word, I don't hate her as a person, but I don't like her management style and I'm not happy to be reporting to her. She's a control freak and she has this manipulative way of asking your opinion on things but twisting everything around until you just end up agreeing to do stuff however she wants it done. It's hard to explain but trust me it's a lot different than how things were with my previous boss (who I LOVE working for) so it's going to be an adjustment. The good news with that situation is that my old boss is still around but in a different role, so we can actually hang out as friends more outside of work without that weirdness of her being my boss, you know?

So enough about that saga...what's up with Cameron you ask? He's doing wonderfully, and he had a great Christmas. He got so much stuff, so many cool toys, and what does he play with while we're at my parents house for the holidays? My mom's coasters and one of the cardboard boxes that one of those cool toys came in. Humpf. But now all his loot is togther in one place at our house and it looks like Toys R Us exploded in our living room! Every night as I'm straightening up and putting everything "away" (we don't really have anywhere to go with it all so away just means in a pile in the living room) I wonder where did all this crap come from?? So I thought I would take half of it and put it in a tote in the spare room and rotate things out once in a while but as I'm digging out of the bottom of the toy box to the stuff he hasn't touched in months he suddenly decides he DOES want to play with that teething book that just the other day was so boring it didn't get a second glance. But just TRY to put it away somewhere that I can't get to it and it's the most exciting thing in my toybox all of the sudden! Little stinker.

So he's a busy boy with lots to play with. He's not quite walking on his own yet but he does toddle back and forth from me to Daddy or from me to furniture, etc. He CAN walk, he just seems to be lacking the confidence to just take off and go. Plus if he really wants to get somewhere in a hurry (like somewhere he knows he's not supposed to be...) then it's just quicker and easier to crawl than to have to try to balance himself while walking. But it won't be long and he'll be running away from us and then we'll be in trouble!

Other than that the biggest changes I noticed recently are how much more he's able to communicate and how much he seems to understand now. He's not really using words that we can decipher just yet but "Da" seems to be a very universal statement. "Da" can mean this, that, yes, no, and many other things just by him changing his tone or pointing. It's amazing how much you pick up on to his language if you pay attention. Now if only I could get him to say Mama...

With that I'll leave you with a few pictures since I know that's what you were hoping for all along. I'm hoping to be a better blogger in the new year and post updates more often but don't hold your breath!

Here's Cameron "helping" Mommy wrap gifts!

He got the movie Madagascar which he LOVES for some reason. There aren't many things on tv that hold his attention but he will sit and watch this movie for quite a while. He opened this gift and just sat there and stared at the picture on the case for a few minutes, I think he thought they were going to come to life or something!

Don't you have enough pictures of me? It's starting to hurt to smile so much...

Ahhh...life is just better when you have a balloon and a puppy!

One year ago today...

2006-12-20T10:59:00.000-08:00

We got THE CALL saying that we had received a referral for a healthy baby boy from Guatemala! What an amazing day that was, and what a blessing we were given last Christmas! And though of course it was a LONG wait until we held him in our arms...or even got pictures for that matter...it was so worth it!

Can you believe this little bean is the same boy? How fast they grow up!

Ok...so I didn't get the vacuum...

2006-12-13T19:54:00.000-08:00

I got little Cameron this cute learning lawn mower instead. It just seemed more interesting and had more features for about the same price. I'm just being practical, you know?

That doesn't mean that Santa can't bring the vacuum toy though...

The spirit of the season

2006-12-05T19:13:00.000-08:00

What a difference a year makes. I can hardly believe looking back to one year ago that we were just finishing up our homestudy and gathering the final documents for our dossier. We were still up to our necks in paperwork and didn't have our referral yet. Christmas was kind of an afterthought last year, and honestly the whole holiday season caused me more angst knowing that we were so close to the family we had been dreaming about but yet still so far away. We hardly did any of the usual decorations, and we didn't even put up a tree last year other than the light-up ceramic tree that my Grandma had made me the year before! It served it's purpose but was kind of hard to put gifts under since it was only about a foot tall! ;)

So here I sit one year later, and it's amazing how life has changed! It's our first Christmas as a family, and I feel like the spirit of the holidays has found me again after years and years of being depressed and glum through it all. And while the decorations are still a bit sparse this year, (though we do have a brand spanking new fake pre-lit tree in our dining room!) it's more because our curious toddler is into EVERYTHING and the less stuff around the better and not because I'm being all bah-humbug! This year I'm looking forward to Christmas, to spending time with family, and to watching my son's eyes light up as he opens his gifts! I ordered him this cool Christmas stocking from Mayan Traditions too that was made in Guatemala that I think is so perfect and special for him! I can't wait for it to arrive so I can hang it up! (Now I just have to figure out what the heck to put in it since he just go so much stuff for his birthday!)

But besides the fact that it's our first Christmas together, the other thing that I'm super excited about (and now don't laugh at me for saying this) is that we get to send out Christmas cards with a picture of our precious boy on them! For years at Christmas I had to cringe everyday as we would get card after card with cute little baby pictures or happy family pictures with all those smiling faces taunting me, saying "Look at our perfect happy family, too bad your body is a barren wasteland and you're spending yet another Christmas without a child you infertile loser freak!" Ok, perhaps that's a bit extreme but that's how it felt some days! Now this year it's my turn to send out the cute pictures!! I know, it's kind of stupid but it makes me happy!

So anyway, I think this post is turning out kind of dorky and sappy but oh well. On another note, the other exciting news is that Cameron's Social Security card came in the mail today! As far as I know, and for those of you who have BTDT please tell me if I'm forgetting something, but I think I can say we are officially DONE with the paperchase! Ok, we still have to do our post placement report at 1 year home and there's this crazy tax season to deal with, but that's IT! Woo-hoo!

Now to change the subject completely, I have a question for the masses (or for the 6 people who still read my blog). Is it ok for me to buy my son a vaccuum toy for Christmas or is that too girly? The kid is obsessed with our vaccuum cleaner and he will literally follow us around the house while we're using it, and when it's off he puts his toys on it and next to it and likes to poke at it and stuff. So those stereotypes of boys play with trucks and girls play with vaccuums are out the window nowadays, right?? 2-In-1 Giggle Vacuum

Happy Birthday Cameron!

2006-11-15T20:22:00.000-08:00

Today is the big day, my baby boy turned 1 today!! I cannot believe what a big boy he is now, and how he's growing so fast! When he is feeling tired and clingy and wants to cuddle up to me though, he reminds me that he's still my baby boy and he needs his Momma love from time to time...you just can't beat that feeling! But with that, of course it's impossible to let the day go by without thinking of his birth mother and saying a prayer for her. I hope she knows that her baby has found a loving and happy home with us. I could never thank her enough for allowing us to be Cameron's parents. What an incredible gift and blessing we have been given by this woman who we have never even met. People always tell us how lucky Cameron is to have come to live with us but I know that WE are the lucky ones!

So now his official birthday party with our family isn't until Saturday, but we couldn't let the actual birthday day go by without some good old cake smashing! We had made cupcakes to bring to daycare today and had some leftover to enjoy tonight, so we let him go at his very own cupcake and boy did he make a mess! Here are some pictures...and thank goodness for digital camera's or I would have used up an entire roll of film just on this event! Here are the highlights, I won't give you all 15 pictures!

Checking In

2006-11-07T19:23:00.000-08:00

Ok, yeah...I know I've been a bad blogger lately. For those of you who do still click on this page once in a while to see if I'm alive, thank you for caring and yes I am! I've just been very busy and lately I've felt I didn't have much of interest to say. I still don't really, but I'll give it a shot.

So what's been happening in my life? Well one of the biggies was our readoption hearing on October 24th! I don't know how this process runs in other areas but for us in our state and county it was a piece of cake! The actual hearing took about 5 minutes, during which the judge told us about some of the wonderful things our social worker wrote up on our post-placement report and asked us a couple of questions like did we understand that we were taking on full responsibility as parents of this child, which of course we already had been for 3 months, then we were done! Afterwards we were able to have our picture taken with the judge and just had to sign some papers and we were out of there! So now Cameron will have an official WI birth certificate (or I guess a "birth facts sheet") and we can go get him a social security number and we'll be pretty much done with the paper chase! What a great feeling!

Then of course we had Cameron's first Halloween! Halloween happens to be one of my favorite holidays and I LOVE making costumes for it. I swore that when I had a child of my own they would NEVER have a store-bought costume but...time got short and suddenly this cute little dragon costume from T@rget looked awfully cute and in the cart it went! He ended up only wearing the costume for a couple hours at his daycare party and less than an hour on trick or treat day so I was glad I hadn't put a lot of effort into it! He was darn cute in it though! (Here he is with his Grandpa.)

Now we are gearing up for his big FIRST BIRTHDAY!! I can't believe my sweet little baby is going to be a year old already, it doesn't seem possible! Of course it seems to have gone even faster since he wasn't home with us until he was almost 8 months old! Looking back though, all the pain of waiting for him seems like it's in the distant past...but truly it's only been 4 months since he was placed in our arms forever! I admit that I felt a lot of insecurity about being a mom at first, and even though I loved my little boy from the first moment I saw him in a picture, that true love and bond between mother and son took a little time. Now I feel the bond so strongly that I cannot imagine loving anyone more than I love my son! What an amazing gift he has been in our lives! But enough of me being sappy...

So what's Mr. Cameron been up to you ask? He's not walking on his own yet...everyone keeps asking me this as though he SHOULD be but the dr. told me the average child walks around 14 months so simmer down people! ;) He gets around pretty well with his walk behind car and he's a pro at crawling and can get around very fast on all fours! He does cruise around the furniture really well too, and his balance is definitely improving. I don't think walking is far off, but we're not pushing him. It's hard enough to keep track of him when he's crawling, I'm going to have to sprint after him when he starts walking! He still hasn't said a first "word" though he speaks in gibberish as though he's having a conversation with himself and knows exactly what he's talking about! It's too funny! He's also learned how to gesture towards things when he wants something and usually we can figure out what he's getting at, though sometimes it seems like he's just pointing at anything and everything because he thinks it's funny to watch us try to figure it out! And yesterday he suddenly started to clap on his own! I had been trying to teach him how but he wasn't really getting it yet, then all of the sudden he started doing it last night! Now it's our new fun thing to do all the time...next we're moving on to pattycake and waving "bye-bye", advanced lessons!

Anyway, I could go on and on but it's getting late and I'm tired. We have been having some sleep issues from time to time and the last three nights were rough! He will go a week or more straight without waking up at all during the night then suddenly every night he's up several times. I'm hoping tonight we can all get back on track but we'll see...wish me luck!

Scatterbrain

2006-10-13T19:31:00.000-07:00

I've made several attempts over the past few weeks to sit down and type out a coherent blog entry, but it's just not happening. When I think of something interesting to say (on rare occasions) I don't have time to type it out...when I have time to type (on extremely rare occasions) then I can't come up with anything to say. I don't know if my life has become boring and pathetic or if this is just what happens when you become a parent. Especially the parent of a needy infant. Not that I mind, I LOVE being the parent of a needy infant, but it takes a lot of time and patience and I'm pretty sure it's sucked my brain completely dry of coherent thought. Oh well, it's definitely worth it and hopefully my brain will recover one day...like when my son is about 18 and leaving the house to go to college! What do you think?

You know what's funny?

2006-09-23T15:03:00.000-07:00

Trying to clean my kitchen on Saturday morning while my 10 month old son is playing "bumper cars" all over it in his walker. Except he's the only one with a "car" and he's bumping into the table, my legs, the dog, his high chair, the cabinets...all the while giggling with a goofy grin on his face! Cleaning is definitely more challenging with a little one but I'll take a little humor with my chores any day! (And a few bruises on my legs and feet from being run into!)

10 Months Old

2006-09-18T19:18:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe it but my little boy turned 10 months old on Friday! He’s getting around much faster nowadays and we have to keep a lot closer eye on him! He’s figured out that crawling business like a pro and he’s off to the races! He likes to chase the kitties around but unfortunately for him (fortunately for them) they are still too quick for him! He’s cruising around the furniture quicker too…and though he hasn’t quite mastered standing alone yet his balance is improving every day! He’s walking behind his little ride on/walk behind car and he thinks that is great fun! And in addition to all the physical development, his personality seems to be just blossoming and he gets cuter and funnier all the time. It’s sad that he’s growing up so fast but it’s so fun to see him change and learn new things all the time!

Going back to work was hard, on me especially, but we’re adjusting well. Unfortunately the first week I was back he got sick with an ear infection and sinus infection so he missed 2 days of daycare and my husband and I each stayed home with him one day. So I was back at work 2 days then took a sick day already! Oh well, you gotta do what you gotta do! Poor little guy. But after 2 days of meds he was feeling much better and finally went to his first day of daycare. I was pretty much a total wreck when I went to drop him off, but Cameron was just fine and the little shit didn’t even cry when I dropped him off, he was too busy checking out all the new and interesting toys and all the other kids! I called once during the day to check on him and they said he was fine so he made it through the first day with no problems! He seems to really like the daycare, his teachers, and especially the other kids and wide variety of activities. It’s definitely been nice for me to be back at work and have some interaction with other adults! I felt guilty leaving him but now that we’re all getting settled into a routine it seems to be going good. I like my job and until I find it’s not worth it anymore than I’ll keep plugging away at the career and mommy thing. Besides, it is so incredibly rewarding to come home to my little smiling boy who can’t wait for mommy to pick him up! We all appreciate our time together that much more!

So there’s a little update in a nutshell! Other than that there isn’t much excitement in our lives. Oh, I did have a birthday on Thursday but at this age I find that it doesn’t really matter much anymore. The only thing that did strike me about this birthday is the fact that it was one year ago that day that I called the adoption agency to let them know we wanted to start the home study process. That seems like so long ago...what a difference a year makes! All the stress and uncertainty of those years of infertility and the paperwork and waiting game of adoption is behind us and we are finally a family! Being a mommy is the best birthday gift a girl could receive, I am truly blessed!

Milestones

2006-09-04T13:47:00.000-07:00

It simply amazes me how fast kids change and grow when they are in this less than one year category. Cameron is now 9 ½ months old and I can’t believe how much he’s changed since he came home at 7 ½ months. And just over the past couple of weeks there have been so many milestones in his life (and ours) and we are about to have even more in the next week’s time.

First of all, and the most fun milestone, is that the boy is mobile and is crawling all over and pulling himself up on anything he can. He’s cruising around furniture and sometimes he manages to transfers from one piece of furniture to another, doing so with just stealth that I never seem to see him do it, he is just suddenly somewhere else when I look for him! This of course is making it a lot more challenging for us to keep an eye on him while doing other things around the house. We do what we can but our house is kind of a mess. Ok, it was usually messy before we had Cameron, but now we have a better excuse for the clutter! ;)

Another milestone was staying home with a babysitter for the first time. This was eventful not only for Cameron but also for his mommy who was a little stressed over leaving him for the first time…but I made it through ok! Our friend’s daughter is babysitting every other Sunday night when we have our couple’s bowling league. She’s great and we trust her completely and Cameron seems to like her very much so that makes things much easier! It sounds like everything was totally fine so I guess I don’t have an excuse to quit bowling yet! And now this weekend he stayed with his Grandma and Grandpa for the afternoon and evening while hubby and I were at a friends wedding and again everything was fine. I guess he does survive without his mommy…but he’s still happy to see me when I get home!

Then kind of a crappy milestone was Cameron’s first cold that he caught about a week and a half ago. He was sniffly and congested for a few days then Daddy caught it and then I caught it and the version I got was worse than the two of them combined! Now I know that parenting is a 24/7 job but I realized the true meaning of being a mother when I got sick and felt like I was going to die but still had to take care of my sweet little munchkin as well. That first day of my illness was a bad one...I almost called my husband to come home from work and take care of both of us but I decided I needed to buck up and deal! Of course I am STILL sniffling and sneezing quite a bit but thankfully Cameron was fine after just a few days. It did give us an excuse to go the T@rget and buy him the cutest Froggy humidifier! It’s too cute!

Anyway…tomorrow is the big one…Mommy is going back to work! Yuck. Ok, actually I’m pretty ready to go back because my brain is getting soggy, and besides that I just know Cameron is going to do fine at the daycare. I was having a lot of guilt over it for a while but thanks to so many positive comments regarding my last post and some heart to heart talks with friends I have come to realize that this is all going to be ok. And as I’ve said before I think he really needs to get out of the house, away from me all the time, and have some interaction with other children instead of with dogs and cats at our house! We did take him to visit the daycare for the second time this past Friday and all the kids were in the gym (this daycare is an old elementary school so they have an entire gym to play in) so we went in to "observe" and he was having so much fun watching the other kids playing that he didn’t really want to leave! So I know he's going to do fine. Tomorrow I go back to work but he’s home with his Daddy all day (good luck Daddy…) then Wednesday he starts daycare for half a day then Thursday and Friday the whole day. I’m anxious to see how things go and I think he’s going to really like it... but hopefully he’ll be happy to come home at night and see us too!

Anyway, here's a couple more pictures of our little cutie pie (and me too)! I'll fill you all in soon to let you know how the transition is going!

Mixed emotions

2006-08-18T14:02:00.000-07:00

Ah so, another 2 weeks has flown by since my last post! I guess I have had other things keeping me occupied and haven't had much time to sit and type a coherent message. I can hardly believe it's been 6 weeks since Cameron became ours forever, how fast the time flies by! He's still doing great and definitely feels at home here with us. In fact I'm pretty sure he's figured out that he rules this household now! Ok, maybe not entirely, but of course so much of what we do revolves around him and his schedule now! Which is what happens when you have a baby I suspect, regardless of how that baby came into your life!

So I now have 2 weeks left before I go back to work and I'm having all kinds of mixed emotions about going back. I have always said I would go back to work, it really isn't financially an option for me to stay home. And if I'm being truly honest, I don't think being a SAHM is for me. I truly respect women who do stay home with their kids, it is definitely a full time job and takes a lot of patience and I would think creativity to keep the kids happy without losing your mind in the process! But for me, I think it would be too much to stay home full time. In all honesty I'm sort of looking forward to getting back to it...my mind feels kind of mushy from all the baby talk and playing and Sesame Street...but at the same time I feel guilty for leaving this sweet little boy who has come to trust and depend on me as his mommy. We do have a wonderful daycare lined up for him, one which I know he will like and I feel very confident in the facility and the staff there. I think he'll do fine and while those first couple days of separation will be the worst for both of us, I'm sure he will enjoy it. He loves being around other kids so this will be a good change from being with me and the dogs and cats all day! And my husband works goofy retail hours so he'll only be there 3-4 days a week and not full time, so that's a definite plus.

But still...people around me seem to be making me feel so guilty lately! I know they don't mean to but they do. I have had so many friends and aquantances ask me how I feel about going back to work soon and commenting on how hard that will be and asking me if I've ever considered staying home or working part time or whatever. I feel like saying to them, "What? No I never even THOUGHT about it, I'm so glad you gave me the idea! What the hell was I thinking?!" Of course I thought about it, long and hard, and I'm going back to work, does that make me a bad mother? I hope not. Any words of wisdom from working Mom's out there? How do you juggle career and family and not feel like you're coming up short on one end or the other? All I can do is give it a shot and see how it goes, right? Thank goodness for 2 more weeks!

I'm still here...

2006-08-05T14:47:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a long time since I wrote anything...what a slacker! It's been a busy couple of weeks and time is flying by! I can't believe it's been 4 weeks since Cameron was placed in our arms forever! What a wonderful 4 weeks it has been!

Our little guy is still doing great and he seems very well adjusted and happy in his new home. Mommy and Daddy are adjusting as well, and I think we're finally feeling like a real family and I don't have as much anxiety that someone is going to take him away from us anymore. The boy's schedule is still all over the place but we're working on it. Some days he takes 2 good naps and other days hardly at all...and naptimes and bedtimes are a little sporadic. The worst part is getting him to go to sleep at night because we've gotten to this point where he can't/won't go to sleep unless I rock him and then lay him in his crib after he's fallen asleep in my arms. If we just lay him down awake he cries bloody murder and won't settle down until I pick him up again! I know he didn't do this for his foster mother...she said he would just fuss a little then fall asleep but when we were in Guatemala with him he wouldn't sleep unless I rocked him and now it's just carried over to home...I think we have created a monster! And I've been so worried about letting him "cry it out" because I didn't want him to feel abandoned by his new parents, but now that it's been a month we're feeling like he should be confident enough that we aren't going to leave him and we're working on getting him to go to sleep by himself. Naptimes are not as much of an issue for some reason, it's just a night that he's needing this so we're letting him cry a little at night and working up to *hopefully* him eventually falling asleep with just a little fussing at night. Wish us luck...listening to him cry is tough stuff!

Other than the sleeping thing, which to me given the circumstances is very minor, he's doing so wonderfully! He's getting more and more mobile all the time, he's scooting around a lot more and loves to stand up while being held by us or holding on to furniture. Yesterday he started trying to pull himself up on the coffee table too and he can almost do it by himself! It won't be long and he'll be getting into everything! We've got to finish childproofing the house ASAP!

Also, he went to the doctor last week who said developmentally he's right on target and is doing all the right things and making all the right sounds for his age. He's a little small compared to the stander US charts, but she charted his growth based on his check-ups in Guatemala and said he's growing at a good rate so he's doing fine and may just be a little smaller which we knew anyway. She ran tons of tests just to screen him for a million different things and since we haven't heard anything we're assuming all was ok. We'll get the results soon but she said she would call only if here was a problem. So no news must be good news, and overall he's a healthy little boy and doing great! Yay!

Anyway, that's all for today and I'll leave you with a few more pictures!

First we became buds with the kitty...now Puppy Molly is our good friend too!

I bet this "baby boat" will be more fun in Grandma's pool...but it's also fun in the living room!

Standing is fun...but I can't wait to get these legs moving!

What do you mean this isn't it's intended purpose?

Two Weeks

2006-07-21T13:16:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe it but tomorrow will be 2 weeks since we took our son into our arms forever! And what a crazy, wonderful, amazing, stressful, exciting, tiring two weeks it has been! It's incredible how much Cameron has changed just in that two week span too! He definitely seems to have accepted Brian and I as his parents, or at least he trusts us as the people who will take care of his needs when he cries for us. He sleeps in his crib now in his own room and he still mostly sleeps through the night. He doesn't freak out so much anymore if we set him down to play while we pick up the house or little things like that, though we still have to stay pretty close but he's definitely more confident that we aren't going anywhere. He's significantly more comfortable with his Daddy and has even gotten used to all the fuzzy stuff on his face, though if he's tired or fussy he still prefers Mommy...but Daddy is ok if she's not around! He's figured out how to scoot around backwards and gets the funniest grin on his face as he's doing it like he's up to something! He hasn't figured out forwards yet but that will come very soon! And he's not pulling himself up yet but if you stand him up and give him something to hold onto he'll stand on his own for quite a while before he freaks out because he doesn't know how to sit himself down!

The dog situation is getting better and our "naughty" dog is starting to get past her jealousy I think. I still have to watch her very closely but there's definitely been improvement. The other dog is great around him, she just tries to lick his feet occasionally! The cats are fine too and actually come over by him and allow him to "pet" them until he starts getting too grabby! It's really funny and oh so cute!

Anyway...I could go on and on about my sweet little man! Parenting is definitely challenging and sometimes I wonder just what the hell I'm doing, but for the most part I think we're muddling through ok! Being a family is a wonderful thing and this time together makes all the waiting worthwile! I DO wish I had a little more computer time to keep up with all my online buddies, but I get online when I can a have been lurking more than posting. I'll get back into the swing eventually but in the mean time please know I'm thinking of you all! And as always thanks for all of your well-wishes and support!

A few pictures

2006-07-17T04:33:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! Just a quick update before munchkin wakes up...things are still going really great and Cameron seems to be settling in really well, and is overall just a happy little guy! We are still not falling into a real solid schedule, but that will come in time and as long as he's eating well and sleeping well that's fine by me! As for Mom and Dad, we are enjoying every minute but I would definitely say the extreme heat in our area combined with a new baby in the house has really taken it's toll, and we are feeling pretty tired by bedtime. We're not complaining though...we just have to get used to this new lifestyle!

Here are a few pictures and I'll just let them speak for themselves!

Finally, we are home!

2006-07-13T14:20:00.000-07:00

Well we're back! We got home LATE last night around 1:30 am. Cameron slept almost the entire flight from Guatemala city to Atlanta and was really good the rest of the flight then slept almost all the way from Atlanta to Milwaukee. We missed our connection in Atlanta because Delta's worst employee of the year answered our question incorrectly about a gate change to our flight (long story) so had to take a later flight out and didn't get into Milwaukee until 11:30ish. Got home and finally got bugger to bed at around 2:45am (in the pack and play in our bedroom...not his crib just yet!).

We've actually had Cameron with us since Saturday afternoon (our attorney and foster mom were able to bring him early!) and he's doing really great and even better than I could have imagined. He's eating and sleeping well and is just overall a happy little guy. Brian says he is a momma's boy but I think he just wasn't used to men so much as he was probably only ever around his foster mom and other women. I have seen him warm up to Brian more and more as the days go by, and they'll be out fishing together in no time!

Today at home has been pretty good and we are getting back to our "normal" routine that we had at the hotel. Our one dog has been super with the baby and just likes to try to lick his feet...our other dog has had a bit of a problem and has been in "time out" several times already today. I honestly don't think she's meaning to be aggressive towards him but wants to get in his face and check him out and "play" with this new thing but it's scaring the bejeesus out of me and the baby so that's been a little stressful. We'll see how this works out in a few days...any advice on acclimating an animal to an 8 month old??

Anyway...baby's napping and I'm going to lay down for a bit. I'm running on about 3 hours sleep from last night and I'm going to crash tonight! I'll write more later and get some pictures up, I promise!

Ready to go!

2006-07-07T16:18:00.000-07:00

We're packed (mostly), calm (somewhat), and prepared for this venture as we are ever going to be! We're leaving tomorrow super early to catch our 5:45am flight and away we go to Guatemala to get our son!

We're off to see Pirates of the Caribbean 2 this evening for some wind-down time and to spend our last child-free evening out and then we're off! I'll talk to you all when we get home!

We have PINK!!!

2006-07-03T11:35:00.000-07:00

My new favorite color is definitely PINK!!

We got the call this morning, we have our pink appointment and we're heading to Guatemala to bring home our son! We leave Saturday, July 8th, they will bring the baby to us on Sunday sometime, then we have our Embassy appointment on Monday the 10th. We then wait for them to process Cameron's Visa which we can pick up Tuesday afternoon, and we'll fly home on Wednesday!

Whew, I've been on the phone most of the morning coordinating everything but we've got it mostly figured out! Thank goodness I had off work today and tomorrow, we have so much to get ready! I'm off to make more phone calls and start packing! My son is coming home!!!

Oh yeah...would you like to meet my son?

2006-06-28T19:12:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I made you wait so long...but I had this thing about not posting pictures until I knew everything was legal. Well, since Guatemala says we are legally his parents now, please say hello to my son Cameron!

These are two of my favorite pictures from our visit trip in April. He's 5 months old here and oh so adorable! I love the first picture because he has the biggest, cutest, toothless smile! (The day after this his first tooth busted through and now he has at least 2) Then the second picture just cracks me up because of the goofy look on his face! Oh my goodness, I just love this little guy and I can't wait to hold him again!

Almost there!

2006-06-27T18:40:00.000-07:00

We finally got an update from our agency today and were told that our attorney was going to submit our paperwork to the Embassy today for pink! I was so surprised to hear this as the last update we got was a week ago, and at that time she was just going to apply for a new birth certificate. So things have moved along fast over the past week! If she was able to submit the papers today (apparently she was waiting in line when our consultant spoke to her) then we should know when our embassy appointment is by Friday! That means we could be traveling as early as late next week or most likely the following week. Holy crap, our baby is FINALLY coming home! I can't believe it!

Yes, I'm going to start packing now!

Oh and by the way, thanks for all the gift ideas, that was really helpful! And I have to say, I have heard from so many people about the explosive poop on the plane ride, I'll make sure to have extra clothes for the baby, myself, my husband, and maybe for people in the rows in front and behind us just in case! ;)

Stressed

2006-06-21T18:20:00.000-07:00

I thought once we got out of PGN I would feel a little less anxiety and just be excited that our boy is coming home soon. But to be honest, I am feeling more stressed out right now than I can remember being since we were working on our dossier paperwork, and probably even more so than that! Don't get me wrong, I am totally psyched that we're so close now, but at the same time I have so many new things to worry about! The big one is of course WHEN will he be coming home. I know it's soon, but will it be 2 weeks from now or 4 or more?? Then I have to sort through the piles of clothes I have accumulated and figure out if I there is something more I need. We have to decide to pack, what we need for the trip home, what we'll need once he IS home, etc. What will he be eating, what toys should I have on hand, how will he adjust to us and our pets? I'm driving myself crazy here! I know we'll just have to muddle through once we have him but I'm a planner and I can't stand not being able to prepare better!

Then I have been really stressing over what gifts to bring for the foster mother and her family. She has a 6yr old son who I think I'll get a backpack for and fill with some clothes and probably some markers or colored pencils and drawing paper and things like that. Then I want to get a box of chocolates from a local place for the family. But for his foster mother specifically, who I owe so much, I am kind of stumped. I did get her a pretty photo album that I've put copies of most of the pictures the agency has sent of Cameron, some of our visit trip, and also I put the doubles from the disposable camera she gave us back when we visited. I plan to keep sending more pictures periodically for her and I hope she will keep on filling those empty pages! But I want to get her a few other things, any ideas? I was thinking of maybe a fun handbag and put in some scented lotions or purfumes or something. There's always jewelry, but we gave her a pretty watch when we were there for our visit so I wasn't sure if I wanted to go that route again. Anyone have good suggestions or what do you think of my bag idea? I need some honest opinions! Thanks in advance!

We are OUT!!!!!

2006-06-14T17:33:00.000-07:00

So my week has gone from bad (thinking we were stuck in PGN until the end of time)...to better (thinking maybe there was a ray of hope)...to Holy Shit we are OUT, OUT, OUT of PGN!!!

It's so funny because I was super busy at work all morning, then out of the office all afternoon, so I wasn't checking my e-mail every 5 minutes like normal. I came home to find the video the agency sent in the mail which was exciting in itself. I watched it, cried a little, smiled a lot, THEN checked my e-mail. Checked my home e-mail...junk. I decided to check my work e-mail because it's hit or miss which address my agency uses to contact us (I have access from home thankfully) and sure as shit here is THE e-mail saying we have been approved by PGN! OMG!! Of course my husband is not home (he's on a horseshoe league on Wednesday night...this is Wisconsin they have those things) so I called his cell phone and I'm screaming and crying and he's like "what is wrong?" So I took a deep breath and explained that we are out of PGN. He said, "that's a good thing, right?". Men.

At any rate I am so (freaking out) excited right now! I can't believe in just a few short weeks our baby boy is going to be home! (Barring any unforeseen circumstances, but I can't think about that.) Holy crap, we still have a lot to do! I have to go do...something!

Thanks again for all the support! Oh happy day!!!

Today was a better day

2006-06-13T18:06:00.000-07:00

First of all, to all of my blog friends, thank you so much for the words of encouragement because it really does help! I know many of you have been in my shoes before, or are playing the waiting game right now, and it's great to know we have each other for support.

Second, our agency sent us more pictures today and several of them were good ones and really cute so that made my day! I guess they were still sorting through everything they collected from the trip and found some more. It's sad to see our little boy growing up but I have to keep the faith and believe that he'll be home with us very soon!

Then, I read on Guatadopt.com today that the ADA is putting pressure on the PGN director to sign off on cases that have been sitting around, so hopefully that is good news. It's hard to know exactly how this is going to play out but it's encouraging to see that something is happening. I did see at least 3 outs today on the adoption.com Guatemala message board...so could things possibly be moving again? I dare not get my hopes up too high, but it's a little ray of hope anyway.

And finally, I got this in an e-mail today and thought I would share. It's pretty corny but it's cute and it made me smile! I hope this link works...enjoy!

Greaser Babies

Depressing

2006-06-12T18:07:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry to be a whiner but I need to vent a little bit again. PGN sucks. I was SO happy when I heard that our case had entered PGN, because getting into PGN means you are ALMOST THERE! But of course, as is our luck with anything lately, about the time we get into PGN it slows down to almost a standstill with no end in sight. And the more I read about this whole PGN mess the more upset I get. I have been scouring the internet lately looking for some signs of hope that things are moving again and all I see is more bad news. It's so depressing. I read today (don't know if it's true or not) that there is something like 700 cases currently in PGN and I have not heard of any getting out recently. It appears that PGN has become this black hole where hundreds of cases go in but only a select few ever get out. It's so incredibly frustrating to say the least. I don't know what the cause of it is, but I'm just praying that my little boy gets out soon (as well as all the other children waiting to go home to their forever families)! I miss him so much!

Two people from our agency were in Guatemala this past week visiting so I was hoping for an update on our case today and maybe some news regarding the status of PGN. All we got was "Your case was still in PGN as of Wednesday." Gee, thanks. They did see our little guy however, and we got a nice update of our boy's progress! His foster mom said he is a happy, calm baby and he's now eating some fruits and vegetables. She said he is sitting up with some assistance and likes to "walk" in his walker (I wish I could see that...too cute). She also said he "likes to throw things", I'm so proud! Hehehehe! They also sent a few pictures but none of them are very good which stinks. I LIVE for those pictures and these I opened and was like "Is that our kid?" because they were all of the side of his face, or blurry. There is one out of 4 that's somewhat decent but it's dissappointing. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the fact that they took the pics and sent them for us, but I think they need a little training in how to photograph squirmy children or something! They supposedly took some video of him too though which they'll mail out once they get it all sorted out and burned to dvd. I can't wait for that, and I'm so thankful to have these little "treasures" to document the time that we are missing from our little boy's life. Now come on Mr. PGN, start signing off on some of those cases! Maybe I should send him a copy of the video to remind him of why he is there?

What a crappy day

2006-06-07T19:45:00.000-07:00

We had this major re-structure at my work today and several people got let go. There has been a lot of this going on over the past year since our company was bought out, but this time it hit a little too close for comfort. Granted, one of the girls whose job was eliminated was really dead weight and I had been hoping she would quit or get fired or something...but when it actually happens it's really upsetting and I feel so horrible about it now. I have spent so much time bitching and moaning about her and her incompetence that I sort of forgot that she's a human being with feelings and this situation totally sucks for her. I'm such an ass. I do hope she is able to go out and find a better job, one that she actually likes and maybe is even good at. I'm trying to keep believing that everything happens for a reason, even when that reason isn't clear at the time.

As a result of this re-org, I was moved into a completely different product category for some reason. (I work in product develpment for a children's clothing company and have worked in Girl's since I started there 5 1/2 years ago...now have been moved to Boys.) The big boss lady says it's so her employees get cross-trained in other areas which sort of makes sense. In some ways I do welcome to the challenge because I've been in kind of a rut with what I've been doing lately, but on the other hand it seems like such stupid timing because they know I'm going to be gone soon for 8 weeks. So we'll see how this plays out. I can't worry too much over it, I have enough worries clogging my brain already.

And still no word on PGN yet or anything in regards to our case. The agency staff is in Guatemala this week so I don't know how much commucation is really getting through from them back to the agency and on to the adoptive families. I'm just hanging out, trying to be patient. Good things come to those who wait, right? Right? *sigh*

Nursery Pictures

2006-06-03T10:26:00.000-07:00

At last, I am finally getting around to posting some pictures from Cameron's room. The room is VERY small so it's hard to get good pictures but you can see the main points of interest. The wall color is very bright but I really like it, it's grown on me a lot since we first painted!

The room is pretty much complete except for the lack of wall decoration, but that's in the works. I am making a wall hanging to match the quilt I made (that isn't quite done but almost...), and my wonderful mother is brushing the dust off of her art supplies (she used to paint a lot, beautiful watercolors) and is painting some pictures that match back to the print fabric I used in the room. I haven't seen all of the paintings yet, but the two I did see were super cute and I love them! I'm so proud of her for picking up her old hobby again, and it means so much to me that she's doing this for her very first grandchild!

Anyway, here's what we have so far!

So sad...

2006-05-31T17:18:00.000-07:00

I was planning to post nursery pics either tonight or at least soon, but an unexpected turn of events has me not in the mood (though I promise I will soon). Don't worry, I'm fine and it has nothing to do with Cameron or the adoption, but last night I was reminded that I need to count my blessings every day...

I woke up last night around 1am and saw flashes outside. Thinking it was lightening I looked out the window expecting to find stormy weather, instead I saw several police cars, an ambulance and fire trucks parked just down the block. The house about 4 doors down from us was on fire, and apparently it was quite a blaze. I went outside since I saw several of the neighbors out there checking things out as well (we're all out roaming in our pj's at 1am, it was an interesting sight) and talked to a few of them for a while until the smoke got to be too much for us. They filled me in on which house it was, and we did know the people who owned the house, though not very well. They had bought it not more than a year and half ago and had completely gutted and remodeled the place. They had added on a huge garage with an addition above it and had sunk tons of money and time into the place. They had done all or at least most of the work themselves and the place was looking so nice. Well in an instant that beautiful house is pretty much gone! Their entire garage is burned to the ground and though the main structure of the house is still standing, it looks completely trashed and I doubt there is much salvageable there.

There is still no word on what started the fire but I'm guessing with all the paint, stain, etc. in there from the work they were doing it wouldn't take much to start it. It started in the garage somehow and quickly spread to the house. Thankfully the owners got out of the house in time, apparently one of their dogs was barking and woke them up and they discovered the fire. But I believe they had something like 5 dogs and I heard that one of them didn't get out, poor thing. It's all so incredibly sad, and house fires are scary enough when you see them on the news, let alone when it's happening on your block! So as much as I thought our social worker was crazy for having all those darned smoke alarms all over our house, I'm sure glad they are there today.

I miss my boy

2006-05-30T19:56:00.000-07:00

Ok, don't laugh at me now, have a confession to make. Since we have come back from Guatemala to visit Cameron I go into his room at least once, sometimes several times a day, and just look around. I look through all his cute little clothes, his fun new toys, all of his stuff, and I just imagine him playing there. I turn on his little crib aquarium thingy and I listen to the music and watch the the lights and bubbles and I actually find it soothing so I know he's going to love that thing! I smell all the baby lotions I got from my shower, I even smell the diapers (clean ones, not dirty!) and those smells remind me of his sweet little baby smell.

Why do I torture myself this way?

Please Mr. PGN, sign our papers so our boy can come home! I miss him so much it hurts.

Almost to that point

2006-05-21T14:36:00.000-07:00

This waiting game is hard. Harder than I ever would have imagined. You just can't understand until you are in the thick of it just how difficult it is. And while I know that all of our family, friends, co-workers, etc. are well meaning in their inquiries about our adoption process, I am just about to the point where I am going to rip someone's head off the next time I hear "Any news yet?". There is one woman in the choir I belong to who has asked me that very question every time I've seen her in the past two weeks. This normally isn't that often but we're in concert season so between rehearsal and performances I've seen her about 6 times! Today I finally said to her, "You know, I don't hear updates all that often so NOTHING is new since I saw you on Thursday night." Was that rude? Because I don't mean to be rude, I'm just telling it like it is. Besides, I'm pretty sure when the day arrives that we DO have good news to share people will NOT have to ask, I'll be shouting it out before they can even open their mouths to form a sentence! So I guess this is going to continue and there isn't much I can do about it, but it's annoying! Does anyone know of a giant rock that I can crawl under and hide from the world until we are out of PGN??

And as far as that goes, I'm trying to stay positive and believe that things truly are getting better in PGN though I just don't know if that's the case. I've been scouring the internet for news and have indeed read reports that yes people are getting out of PGN now, but I also hear that there are many still stuck, some cases from December, January, February...how is this fair? As much as I want our case to zoom through without problems, I also want those case that are "stuck" to be resolved so those families can move on as well. I can only pray that this new head of PGN gets his head out of his ass fairly shortly and realizes that he's only hurting the children of his country by not allowing them to move on to their forever families. So come on Mr. PGN dude (probably not his official title) let's get things moving down there!

Happy 6 Months Cameron!

2006-05-16T10:07:00.000-07:00

Ok, his 6 month b-day was actually yesterday but I didn’t get a chance to post. I can’t believe our little boy is a half a year old already! I miss him so much and I just can’t wait until we can go back and bring him home forever! I’m praying that things in PGN start moving, not just for our sake but for all families who are waiting to bring their little ones home! In the mean time, happy "half" birthday baby, we’ll see you very soon!

A quick update

2006-05-09T20:24:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've been MIA but it's been busy in my world. My New York trip was fast and chaotic but we got some stuff accomplished there. And I got to hang with my brother and SIL for a while which was super nice. I don't think I mentioned it before, but it turned out they were in NY at the same time as I was for vacation which was just the weirdest coincidence! They live in the San Francisco area and I'm in WI making it hard for us to get together, so it was really neat to be able to hook up with them in the big city! I wish we lived closer but unfortunately that's not the case.

Then my baby shower on Saturday was really nice and we got at TON of stuff! Once again I am so amazed at people's generosity, especially when babies are involved! Plus there were a lot of people there, I think I counted almost 30 people and that didn't even include some of our family and friends who will be invited to yet another shower that my husband's family is throwing later on! So we could potentially rake in a ton more loot before all is said and done! Cameron is one lucky little boy!

In adoption news, we finally got confirmation that our case entered PGN on April 28th which is great news! Unfortunately, we have been warned that there is a new person heading up PGN who apparently is not fond of adoptions and has said he won't be passing cases through quickly. Per our agency he feels that they are full of fraudulent documents and is telling his people to go over cases very closely. We have been told us to expect 4-6 weeks minumum time frame to be in PGN and not to be surprised if it takes much longer. So I'm psyched about that as you can imagine. As always it seems like we're finally getting somewhere then run into a brick wall. I'm trying to stay positive and hope for the best but at the same time I'm bracing myself for the worst. We'll see how this all turns out!

Moving on

2006-05-01T19:51:00.000-07:00

Well...I knew that the massive high I was on last week after coming back from our trip was not going to last forever and I was correct. After almost a week of people asking how our trip was and gawking at pictures and asking the same questions over and over ("Was it hard to give him back?" and "Now when do you get to bring him home?" seem to be the favorites), the attention is getting to be not fun anymore and I'm feeling a little bit cranky. Don't get me wrong, I love that people are interested and care about what's happening in our lives, but now I'm trying to get back into my "normal" routine and not think about it because I'm going to drive myself insane! I'm just missing my little boy so much, it hurts SO MUCH to know that he's in Guatemala and I'm here and I have no clue how long it's going to be before we can bring him home. I'm just praying that we at least hear that we're in PGN soon (it's a holiday in Guatemala today so we didn't get an update from our attorney today as usual). Then I can start counting days, weeks, whatever and go from there. I know it may be a long haul but all we can do is hope for the best.

Anyway, at least I'm super busy with work and that is keeping me occupied. I'm actually traveling to New York on Wednesday and I'll be there until the end of the week so I'll be really busy and the week should go quickly. Unfortunately at the same time I'll be mostly computerless while I'm away! Eeek! I don't know if I can go 3 days without being able to check my e-mail every 5 minutes! It might just be my demise, I'm not kidding. I already told my boss that I'm going to confiscate her laptop at least twice a day so I can check my e-mails and make sure there's no news!

Then this coming Saturday after I get home my friends are throwing me a baby shower! I'm so excited and I can't wait! It's not even so much the gifts I'm psyched about (though that's obviously the main point of it and that'll be great), but it's more like I finally get to join this club that I've been trying to get into for so many years! The official "mommy to be" club! It's hard to explain but if you've deal with IF in your lifetime then I think you know what I mean. I've spent so many years avoiding baby showers, or going to them with a fake smile on my face and breaking down in tears all the way home. But this time it's so different and I'm so thrilled that I have these great friends who are doing this for me! But anyway, that's enough mush talk for tonight. Have a great week everybody!

Trip details

2006-04-27T18:29:00.000-07:00

So our trip was really incredible, definitely an adventure, but an awesome experience! We started off by getting up at 1am on Friday morning to get ready and head to the airport (an hour and 15 minute drive). Our flight out was at 5:30am so we got to the airport at 3:30 (the 2 hour early rule) only to find that the check-in desk doesn't open until 4! So we could have gotten an extra half hour of sleep, but oh well. Then our flight from Milwaukee to Atlanta was delayed due to "weather" (they never said what the problem was, just "weather") so we arrived almost an hour late and had to literally run to our connecting flight to Guatemala City. That was a bit stressful, but after that things went ok as far as the flight! The Guatemala City airport was very interesting, there were lots of armed guards with BIG guns all over! I wish I could have taken a picture but that didn't seem like the best idea! We got through customs with no problem whatsoever which was good. Then when we went into the baggage claim area there was a band playing and a big "welcome" sign. I thought that was kind of funny but it was neat to see. Our luggage actually made it too, which I thought was a miracle given the circumstances of our connection! I guess Delta pulled out all the stops for us because it was there and all intact!

When we walked out of the airport it was so bizarre because people were standing and sitting all along the sidewalk just watching this parade of people come out of the airport. I don't know if most of the people were there waiting for someone or if they just hang out there to pass the time? I kind of felt like we were walking the red carpet at the Oscars or something! We found our taxi driver pretty easily in the crowd, he was waiting with a sign that had our names and the hotel. He didn't speak much English but just enough to try to drum up some repeat business by giving us his card and pointing out places we should go visit and that he would be happy to take us to later. Maybe next time we can do a bit of sightseeing, but this trip was all about Cameron!

We got to the hotel (we stayed at La Casa Grande) around 1:30 local time and called our contact who said they would come drop Cameron off around 3ish. We were going to head out to the lobby to wait for them a little before 3 but they called at 2:30 and were there already! Our attorney introduced herself and our foster mom P and her son, then P handed Cameron over to me. It was the most amazing moment to hold my little boy for the first time! He wasn't too sure about me at first and was fussing a little, but P showed me how he likes to be held and suggested I walk around with him because he likes that. So we wandered around the lobby and looked at stuff and we were ok after that! Then we went through his feeding and eating schedule (and thankfully Brian wrote everything down for me because I was extremely preoccupied!). We knew our fm would bring formula for him but thought that would be it. We were surprised to find that she brought this giant bag of stuff for him with clothes, diapers, baby food, juice, a toy and blanket he really likes, and even some bottles that looked brand new so I think she bought them just to bring for us. We didn't end up using any of the clothes or diapers since I had brought enough of that already, but it was so nice of her to offer so much for him. So then we all said our goodbyes and everyone left. I could tell that both P and her son were very sad to leave him and I really felt for them. It was very reassuring to know that he is in such good care.

So the first night was a little rough as all of us got to know each other and I tried to remember what to do with a baby! My old babysitting skills came back to me in a hurry thankfully, or else my maternal instincts kicked in or something and I think I did ok. Cameron was quite a happy smiley little guy for the most part and didn’t seem scared of us at all, but unfortunately he did not want to eat or sleep that first night. And besides the fact that he’d been left with strangers and in a strange place, he was also teething, which just added to his fussiness. There was a lot of pacing the floor and comforting him that night and not a lot of sleep for mom and dad, but it was no worse than I expected. He did finally take a bottle at about 5am and then proceeded to sleep for 4 hours! Poor tired little guy! After that he ate really well so I don't know if he finally decided I was trustworthy or what!

Day 2 and 3 went much smoother as we all became comfortable with each other and Brian and I figured out his likes and dislikes. We found out he just LOVED to go out on the balcony at the hotel and watch the cars go by. He would just sit and watch and was mesmerized by them, it was so cute! And if he was getting tired but wouldn't fall asleep we just brought him out to watch the cars and he was zonked in no time! He also really liked the bouncy seat we brought along for him. We bought a cheap one at Wal-Mart that was pretty simple and came apart easily enough that we could stow it in our luggage and then put it together there. It was nice to have a place to set him down other than the bed or the portable crib the hotel had for us to use. We also found it to be very useful for keeping him occupied for a little while when we were eating at the restaurant.
By Sunday (day 3) he really seemed at ease with us and was getting pretty close to the schedule his fm said he followed. He was eating regularly and took a couple of really good naps and overall he just seemed in a good mood. He really is a good natured little guy and when he wasn't hungry or wet he was very content to just sit and play with his toys for a while. And he definitely likes to be held and to cuddle, especially when he's sleepy, and I was more than happy to spend good quality cuddle time! Sunday night he did get a whole lotta fussy as his first little tooth was coming in full force and we could see it poking out where there was only gums when we first met him. As irritable as this made him, we tried to look at it as a blessing that we were there with him to witness his first tooth coming in rather than think of it as bad luck that he was teething and cranky! We had a hard time getting him to sleep that night but thankfully I had brought along some baby Tylenol. Unfortunately we both had underestimated how difficult it can be to administer medication to a 5 month old who keeps spitting it out, but I think eventually we got him to swallow enough to help and he calmed down. That night he slept from 10pm until almost 7 the next morning, so finally all three of us had a good night’s sleep!

Sadly, Monday came along all too quickly and P came to the hotel to get him on Monday afternoon. We said our teary goodbyes and they reassured us that that he would be fine and that P cares for Cameron very much. She really seems like a sweet woman and it's so obvious that she and her son both love him. I sincerely hope we can keep in touch with them so that Cameron will have that tie to his birth country as he grows up. Giving him back and watching them walk out of the hotel was definitely the hardest thing we ever had to do. I can’t even describe the feeling, I get teary eyed just thinking about it now, but at least we know that he is in good hands. I only hope that the process goes very quick and smooth from here on out and we can bring him home very soon!

We're home with great news!

2006-04-26T11:52:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! We got home from Guatemala late last night after a wonderful visit with Cameron. He is so perfect in everyway and just the cutest, happiest little guy! We had such a great time with him and we are missing him so much right now. Leaving him was the hardest thing we have ever had to do, but I know that next time we see him he'll be ours forever!

I promise to share details of our trip when I have a little time to sit and type, but for now I'll just leave you with some good news...WE HAVE PRE-APPROVAL!! We should be in PGN very soon and hopefully we'll be in and out quickly! We're getting so close to bringing him home, I thought this day would never come!!

And we're off...

2006-04-20T19:16:00.000-07:00

Our bags our packed...our nerves are frazzled...but I think we're as ready as we're ever going to be! It's time for our short nap and then we're off to the airport! I'm hoping for an uneventful flight and tomorrow at this time we should have our baby boy with us! I'm so excited!

Thanks for all the well-wishes, I'll talk to you when I get back!

Little things

2006-04-17T19:58:00.000-07:00

Isn't it funny how some silly, seemingly insignificant thing can cause such an unexpected flood of emotion? I was doing laundry yesterday...not exciting, right? But instead of my normal underwear and socks, I was washing all the sweet little clothes I have accumulated over the past few months for Cameron and getting them all nice and fresh to take on our trip. And as I was folding a little footed sleeper (and realizing that I have no clue how to fold a footed sleeper properly), it suddenly dawned on me that I was doing laundry for my child! My baby is going to wear these clothes, the baby I have been waiting for almost 5 years for! This is actually happening, we are going to be parents at last! It was just this amazing emotional moment and I even got a little teary eyed. All this over footy pajama laundry. Wait until I have that little munchkin in my arms, I'm going to lose it!

We're going to Guatemala in 4 days!!

Pictures to tide you over...

2006-04-14T13:15:00.000-07:00

I haven't had a chance to take pictures of the baby room to post yet, sorry! Before I do so I want to get things more organized in there and looking nice. Right now it just looks like the Target baby section exploded in there as I'm sorting through stuff for our trip! I'm also not exactly sure how well pictures will show the room, it is very small and might be tricky to get a good shot of but I'll try.

In the mean time, here are a few pictures of the quilt I'm working on that will go with the valances I made and the bumper pad, dust ruffle, and other accessories that are on my to-do list! I've been having a terrible time getting pictures posted on Blogger so we'll see how this goes!

Here is a full view of the quilt top. I wasn't sure I was going to like it when I started cutting but once I got everything put together I really love it!

Here is a close-up of one corner. I DO NOT know why this uploaded sideways as that is not the way I have the picture saved. Stupid computers!!

And here is a picture of the border fabric I used to make the valances, and this will also be used for the bumper pads. Again, the picture is sideways! Sorry about that, try not to get a neck cramp while looking at this!

A Surprise!

2006-04-12T15:53:00.000-07:00

Just in case there was ever a doubt in my mind, today I was reminded of just how wonderful and generous the people I work with. My boss told me that she had picked up some ice cream bars during her errand running at lunchtime and we should all go down to the break room at around 2:30 for an afternoon snack. I really didn't think much of this because she's done this before, and it was a beautiful day today and perfect for ice cream. Anyway, the girls in my department and myself all headed down to the lunchroom at 2:30 and I was shocked to find that it was full of people! Almost everyone from my floor and a handfull that I work with from other departments, all there to surprise ME! They gave me a card full of money to help pay for our trip (I didn't think I was complaining about the airline ticket prices THAT much...) and there was a Dairy Queen cake to boot! It was amazing and I was so surprised, they really got me! I'm pretty sure that if I hadn't been so shocked I would have burst into tears, and after counting the money (discreetly, later on) I couldn't believe how generous everyone had been! So it was an awesome surprise and perfect timing since we have so much to buy for our trip right now!

Speaking of which, I am slowly accumulating all the things we need for the trip. I have known all along that kids aren't cheap, but after seeing how much the few necessities in my Target cart added up to I realized that my husband's beer money is going to be severely lessened very soon! ;) In case you didn't know, with the visit trip the foster mom only supplies us with the formula that we'll need while we have Cameron with us, but we have to have all the "baby stuff" like diapers and bottles, etc. I know we can purchase things once we are there if we need to, but I'm the type of person who likes to know that I have it all ahead of time so we don't have to scramble once we arrive. We'll be stressed enough as it is I think! But we're excited!!

In other news, we got the baby room all painted this weekend. We painted a bright green color which turned out a bit brighter than I had anticipated, but it's growing on me! It was a little obnoxious when there was nothing in the room to offset it, but now we have all the furniture in there and I have my valances on the windows and I like it a lot. My father will probably have a few words to say about it since he's a coloraphobe but he'll get over it!

And one more update since I haven't posted anything here for a while. Our official DNA paperwork has been submitted to the US Embassy in Guatemala so now we are awaiting pre-approval from them. We were told this will probably take about 3-4 weeks but I apparently the Embassy randomly investigates 20% of the cases that come through and if you're one of the lucky ones it takes a lot longer for pre-approval. I'm figuring with our luck so far we'll be one of those cases, so who knows how long this will take! At least things are moving along, slowly is better than not at all!

Just a little over a week and we're going to Guatemala!! Woo-hoo!

We booked our trip!

2006-04-04T18:55:00.000-07:00

It's official, I booked our flight and hotel today and the agency confirmed our dates were ok with our attorney. We're going to Guatemala to meet our little boy! And we are going really soon!

We will fly out of Milwaukee on April 21st at 5:30AM (that will be a treat...), change planes in Atlanta and then arrive in Guatemala City around 11:45. They will bring Cameron to us at the hotel that afternoon and we'll have him all to ourselves until Monday sometime when they come pick him up (sniff, sniff), then we fly home Tuesday afternoon. We are super excited but at the same time slightly terrified! We will have a little time to talk to the foster mom about his eating and sleeping habits, likes and dislikes, etc., but after that we'll be left alone and clueless with a 5 month old! Let's hope all my old babysitting skills come back to me in a hurry!

So that's the quick scoop for tonight. It seems like we've been waiting forever to be able to go visit and now suddenly it's coming up so quickly! Lots to do...lots to pack...and a good reason to buy new fun baby clothes! ;)

DNA Results...FINALLY!

2006-04-03T11:11:00.000-07:00

It's a match! I finally heard from someone at our agency today and they confirmed that we have a match. Whew...I was starting to get concerned with the lack of information. Our case worker went on vacation and informed us to contact another case worker in her absence...who apparently was ALSO ON VACATION!! She was back in the office today and e-mailed right away to apologize for the confusion. She spoke to the lab and we had results right away! Woo-hoo!

So now we are ok to book flight and hotel for our visit trip! We're still checking on travel dates but should know more soon. I'll keep you posted!

Overactive imagination

2006-03-27T18:21:00.000-08:00

Does my agency realize that when they say something like "it usually takes about 10 days to get DNA results once the testing has been done" that I take this extremely literally? The word "usually" means nothing to me, they said "10 days" and it's been 10 days so where are my stinking results?!? They couldn't possibly have mean 10 business days, could they? That seams like cruel and unusual punishment to a woman who has experienced her fair share of waiting around for stuff in this lifetime. Throw me a bone here, ok? My confidence is starting to dwindle...negative and irrational thoughts are invading my subconscious...must think positive...results will come any day now...everything will be fine...

She only looks sweet and innocent

2006-03-20T20:13:00.000-08:00

Since I don't have much to talk about as far as our adoption goes, I thought I would share a funny story about one of our furry children today! This is Maggy, our 9 year old Australian Shepherd mix (a.k.a. Mutt!). She was fresh from the groomers in this picture which is why she has the dorky butterfly bandana on...she probably wouldn't be happy if she knew I was posting this picture! Anyway, Maggy is a very sweet dog, and though she is normally all cuddles and kisses, when faced with any of her mortal enemies (the vacuum cleaner, the mailman, kids on bikes, and most of all the dreaded squirrel) this dog has a mean streak!

So today there was some commotion in the backyard while I was getting ready for work in the morning. I went out to investigate what was causing all the barking, and to let the dogs in before someone called the cops on us again (long story), only to find Maggy running towards me with a large chunk of unidentified furry something hanging out her mouth and a look of smug satisfaction on her face! I managed to get her to spit the mystery fluff out with some coaxing and found what appeared to be part of a squirrel tail! It looked like it was mostly fur so I think she just got the tip of it...but one unlucky squirrel had a really bad morning! She chases those squirrels around all the time, in fact Squirrel Patrol is her main concern while she is out in the backyard and she has even been known to climb partway up the big tree in our backyard before gravity brings her back down! Unfortunately they usually just taunt her from above and drive her crazy, but today was definitely her day of glory!

In other news, we found out that DNA testing was for sure done on Friday! So now we just wait for results, which the agency said usually takes up to 10 days. I'm assuming it could be sooner though so we may hear any day now! I guess I'll have to start checking my e-mail every 10 minutes again!

Not exactly what I wanted to hear...but I'll take the good with the bad

2006-03-14T17:38:00.000-08:00

First I'll start with the good news. We got an e-mail from our case worker at the agency today and she confirmed that our attorney was able to get permission from the US Embassy last week to do the DNA testing. She said testing was scheduled for this week sometime but didn't know the exact date, and apparently results usually take about 10 days. So, once we get confirmation that DNA is a match we can travel to Guatemala to finally meet Cameron face to face! Assuming all goes with with the DNA, our tentative plan is to travel in April, possibly the weekend after Easter but we have to check schedules and figure it all out. We'll know more soon though!

Then more good news, we found out the court interviews took place on February 20th already! Now we are just waiting on the written report from the social worker and we'll be out of family court! But here is where the bad news comes in...she said our case cannot proceed to PGN until we get Pre-Approval from the US Embassy, which apparently has been taking 4 weeks or longer AFTER they receive DNA results!! 4 WEEKS OR LONGER?!? Are you kidding me? So yet again it looks like we will be held up by the good old US Embassy. It's frustrating to say the least. I guess I should have expected this but it's always difficult to hear.

So that's the update on our case. I have to take the good news with the bad and look forward to hearing positive DNA results and start planning for our trip! 4 weeks always sounds so long but hopefully it will go by quickly. In the mean time I am slowly starting on the baby's room. I made valances this past weekend and I think I may start painting this weekend. I'll post pictures as I make progress but there's nothing much to look at yet! One little step at a time but it's something to pass the time here in hellish limbo-land!

A good sign?

2006-03-08T18:13:00.000-08:00

I checked our credit card statement online tonight and I've never been so excited to see our balance go way up! Yep, our card was charged for DNA testing today, and I'm assuming that means things are finally moving again! Does anyone know if that means they have approval to do the DNA test or that the testing has actually been done? Or does it mean nothing and I'm getting my hopes up for nothing?!?

At any rate, I'm starting to get a little freaked out and nervous about planning our visit trip. First off I'm stressing over WHEN we can go and how long we can stay. I want to preserve as much vacation time as I can for time off after actually bringing Cameron home so we were thinking about just going for a Thursday-Sunday long weekend, but is that enough time? Will we get home and wish we had spent one or two more days? And then there's the fact that neither my husband or I have ever traveled outside of the country except to drive into Canada! This is a whole new experience, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't really nervous about it. We don't speak Spanish other than a few key words and phrases here and there (though I'm trying to learn more), and though I know a lot of the hotel staff will speak English it's still daunting to be in another country when you don't speak the native tongue. On top of that, I don't know what to bring to wear, I don't know what all we'll need for the baby, I don't know what to buy as gifts for the foster mom and her family...the list goes on and on! Someone PLEASE tell me I'm getting too worked up over all of this!

I guess I'd better find some time in the next week or so to re-read other blogger's past postings regarding their travel experiences and start getting my thoughts organized! So much to think about...aaagh!!

In a better mood

2006-03-02T11:58:00.000-08:00

I am somewhat out of my funk today but not entirely. At least for now I’m trying to stay positive and just take things as they come. A very good friend of mine reminded me that as hard as it is to be missing out on a few months of my son’s life, we still have a whole lifetime of joys ahead of us, which is so true! When my husband and I were considering international adoption we knew full well that we wouldn’t be bringing home a newborn and we decided we were fine with that. I always said that they are small for such a short time and they would be our child for the rest of their lives with so much more to experience than just "baby stuff", and that was ok. It’s funny how you forget though, and suddenly decide you want what you thought you didn’t need. He’ll be home with us soon though, and I bet a year from now I will have mostly forgotten how hard things are right now. Time does heal, that much I know!

Anyway, on another subject there has been no news on our case this week. I just checked our credit card statement and we haven’t been charged for DNA yet so nothing has happened as of yet. Hopefully we’ll hear something soon! In my positive thinking mode, if it does take a long time before we can go for our visit trip that just means we’ll be that much closer to the pick-up trip! I know the wait between the two will be the worst yet so I guess it’s a blessing if that timeframe is shortened up a bit! See, the glass is half full again! ;)

And a few people have asked me how the baby’s room is going so I’ll mention that situation. Basically it isn’t going anywhere fast, I have not done any painting or sewing, but we have some furniture at least! We found an armoire and a dresser/changing table and now I’m on the quest for a crib. It’s amazing how few stores around my area actually carry cribs or have any set up to look at. Pretty much I have seen a couple at Target (but they aren’t in stock right now because they are remodeling) and Toys R Us/Geoffrey, but they didn’t have anything too exciting. I have looked at tons of cribs online but it’s so hard to know if you’ll like something from a 2X2 inch picture on my computer screen. Anybody have any assvice in the crib selection area? We don’t want to spend a lot because he’ll be in it for such a short time, that’s about my only criteria! If you have a brand/style to recommend I am open to suggestions!

Life on hold

2006-02-28T17:03:00.000-08:00

Not that it's any surprise, but as it turns out living in waiting limbo land is not a particularly fun place to be. Aside from the normal frustrations, lately I'm getting really annoyed with the fact that we just can't plan anything in the next few months without in the back of my mind thinking "oh wait, we might be in Guatemala at that time" or wondering if by some miracle we might have Cameron home in a couple months and therefore won't be doing much of anything but spending time getting to know him! It's just little things like planning a weekend outing or maybe buying tickets for a play or something, nothing that it would be the end of the world if we had to cancel but it's just one more thing to wonder about.

Another frustration is shopping for baby stuff. How much do I really want to buy right now knowing that it might just sit around unused for so long? And if I buy clothes will he be grown out of them by the time he comes home? Who knows. And my wonderful friends want to throw me a shower and are wanting to start planning something but I just can't commit to a timeframe until we know more, preferably after the DNA testing. I'm just so paranoid that something will go wrong, and maybe I need to think more positively but I guess lately I'm in a "glass half empty" kind of mode.

So obviously I'm in kind of a down mood tonight, possibly hormone related since (oh goody) it's that time of the month. We DID get a few more pictures of our little guy yesterday which was exciting and unexpected, but for some reason that high didn't last as long as when we got the first set of pictures. Don't get me wrong, I love the new pics and can't stop looking at his sweet little face, but at the same time I see him getting older and I'm not there to see him changing from day to day. It's amazing what a difference a few weeks makes when they are that age and this is just another reminder of that. Hopefully we'll hear some good news this week and things are moving along. That's probably a long shot with the embassy problems but who knows.

I guess I'm just rambling...I haven't had much to say lately. Again I am slacking in the posting department, I will have to do better! For now though I'm gonna go take my doggies for a walk and try to snap out of this funk!

A not-so-unexpected delay

2006-02-20T15:35:00.000-08:00

I had heard talk of back-ups at the US Embassy from other bloggers but now our agency reconfirmed that our DNA test could take a while. Apparently attorneys are having to wait “in line” for 2-3 weeks before they can get into the embassy to present the paperwork. The Embassy is handing out numbers every day but they hand out a hundred or more numbers daily and are only seeing 15-40 people per day and as a result are super backed up. Wonderful. Then they said once she has permission to do the DNA test it will take a week or two to schedule the lab appointment then it’s usually about 2 weeks for the results to come in.

So our best guess is that we won’t be able to visit until late March or even April. I'm frustrated over this not only because Cameron will be almost 5 months old by the time we can meet him but also the whole month of March looks to be dead at work then guess when things will pick up again? You guessed it, end of March, beginning of April. I guess life will go on if I miss a couple days of work (after all I'll be gone for several weeks once we finally bring our baby home) but it would have been nice to be gone during our slow time. But that's typical and why would I expect things to go differently? At least we have a target timeframe and can start to plan a little, then if things go more quickly it will just be a happy surprise! I do sincerely hope we get more updates and pictures before then however or I’m going to go crazy!

Other than that not much is happening in my world. I have this awful lingering head cold from hell that won’t die. I am so amazed at just how much snot my body can produce in a day! You would think I would dry out eventually but it just keeps replenishing! Oh well, it gives me yet another good excuse not to clean the house, I must rest so my cold will get better! Unfortunately nobody else is cleaning the house while I’m resting so I may have to break down and do a little housework. Darn the responsibilities! I know, just wait right? I have it easy now, I realize, but I’m milking this out as long as I can before mommydom sets in and I can never be sick again! I must enjoy the childless life while I can, it’s my only perk while in this horrible waiting stage!

Baby, it's cold outside!

2006-02-18T06:07:00.000-08:00

Some days I ask myself WHY I live in Wisconsin. Why didn't I move somewhere warmer after college when I had the chance? No, I had to fall in love, get married, settle down. Now we have ties here...a house, jobs, friends...drat! I know, we can get a new house and jobs and friends, but I'm sort of attached to the ones I have! :)

Granted, this winter has been very mild, especially January. But now it's coming back with a vengeance to kick our butts! First we had a major blizzard on Thursday (but they closed our office at noon so I got half a snow day). Then yesterday the temps plummeted into the negative numbers. When I went to bed last night it was -9 and now this morning I see reports of -16 degrees! Ack! My poor dogs don't even want to go out ot pee, not that I blame them! As much as I'm sick of waiting, it's probably a good thing it will be warmer when Cameron comes home, his little body needs time to adjust to this climate before winter hits! In the mean time let's get this DNA test moving, hubby and I need a nice vacation to a warm climate to hang out with our little guy!

From good to better

2006-02-15T18:04:00.000-08:00

First of all, I can't believe it's been so long since I posted anything! What a slacker! I guess I didn't have anything to say but to whine about our missing paperwork so I was just avoiding the computer. I'm back now and have good news!

I was feeling really crabby and frustrated all week and had been planning to e-mail our case worker to see if she had any news when suddenly I got an e-mail from her! Our attorney said our documents have all been translated and legalized and we are entering family court! She is waiting for a social worker to be assigned then our case can get moving! Woo-hoo! Finally things are happening! She assured us that things could still move along even without the I-171H, just not DNA testing but that paperwork was also being prepared and as soon as our immigration clearance arrived that would get moving too. Ok, cool. Enough to get me through another day anyway!

Then I got home from work and guess what was in the mail?!? Our I-171H finally arrived after a 5 1/2 week wait from hell! Oh happy day! We are SOOOOOO relieved to have that sucker in hand! Oh yeah, then my dog almost ripped it in half because she was having a needy "you've been gone all day pay attention to me" moment and started pawing at the letter I was reading. Luckily I got it up high enough in time to avoid disaster! Wouldn't that have been cool to send a ripped and taped up I-171H to our agency!

Anyway, now I can relax a little bit before I start my next round of worry and anxiety over DNA testing! I wonder how long THAT will take! One day at a time...deep breaths...I just have to keep up a positive attitude and it will all be ok, right?!?

Still waiting...

2006-02-06T15:56:00.000-08:00

It's now officially been over 4 weeks since our fingerprint appointment and we STILL have not received our I-171H form. I've been trying to be patient...we were told 3-4 weeks...but this is getting ridiculous! What's worse is that our agency contact called USCIS on Friday to try to find out what the holdup was and they apparently have not returned her call yet! Nice. I wish I could take that long to return a phone call at MY job.

At least we did get our video as promised from the agency on Saturday. It's only about 4 minutes long but it's enough for me to see that my little boy is being well taken care of and he looks very healthy and happy. They videotaped his foster mom opening up the package I sent and she seemed to like it very much. She immediately replaced the blanket that was in Cameron's carrier and put the new blanket I had made under him (he is laying on it in some of the pictures I got too). All the while Cameron is just really calm yet alert and wide-eyed, and he seems like a mellow little baby! I can tell even from this short video that his foster mom must care very much for him. I cannot imagine how hard that must be to care for these infants as if they are your own and still know in your heart they will leave someday. They are very wonderful women in my opinion.

I did get very emotional watching the DVD as you might imagine. Ok, maybe very emotional is an understatement. I completely LOST IT...I had a complete and total meltdown. As soon as it started playing I began sobbing uncontrollably, you know the kind of sobs where you can hardly catch your breath? That was me, sitting on the floor in front of the TV in my living room just sobbing. I was just so overcome with emotion at seeing my baby boy in live action, seeing his foster mom interact with him, knowing that she was experiencing all the joys that I am missing right now. It was suddenly so overwhelming and I guess I had a lot of built up emotions that had to get out! (Of course it also didn't help that we had a bowling tournament on Saturday afternoon so we had been out drinking most of the afternoon and evening prior to coming home and finding the DVD in the mail. Drinking apparently makes me more susceptible to crying fits, I've noticed this on other occasions though not to this extent.) And my poor husband didn't know WHAT to do with me because he couldn't get me to stop crying OR stop watching the clip over and over again. Somehow he finally got me to settle down and go to bed though I'm not sure when or how. The next morning was rough, not only from the hangover but my eyes were puffy and sore from crying too. I must have looked a mess at church...oh well!

Anyway, that's my news for today, or lack of news I guess. I hope those yahoo's at USCIS call back tomorrow or I'm gonna have to start sending hate mail or something. Geesh, they are as bad as our human resources department at my work...but that's a story for another day!

The longest drive home ever!

2006-01-31T21:28:00.000-08:00

So this afternoon I was obsessively checking my home e-mail account from work (I do this about 8 times a day), and I finally found in my inbox the message I have been waiting for. A message from our agency, subject line: Pictures. OMG, my heart started racing! I frantically tried to open the files, I waited as the little hourglass turned over again and again…”Uploading File” my computer said…then suddenly “Unable to Open Files”. WHAT THE $&*#???

Apparently the files were too big for my dinky little remote inbox or something because it just totally froze up. Stupid e-mail account. Stupid *$^&!$#& computer. I tried again and the same thing happened. At this point I am frantic and ready to hit my monitor with a baseball bat. Thank goodness it was almost quitting time! So I left work 2 minutes early, even though I should have stayed late because I have a lot of work piling up on my desk, and I raced home! I have a half hour commute on a normal day, I think I made it home in about 22 minutes! I literally ran in the house causing my husband to wonder where the fire was or what in the world was wrong with me! I simply said “We have pictures!” and he totally understood of course! We opened up e-mail and there he was, our sweet little angel boy’s face! He’s so adorable, I can’t even tell you how cute he is! I immediately started crying of course and dh just hugged me. It was an amazing moment to see our son for the first time. Simply incredible.

And now I’m sorry to be a tease and tell you that I have pictures when obviously I haven’t posted any. I’m afraid I just don’t feel comfortable posting pictures on my blog until I know he’s ours for real. Don’t hate me…I know you all understand. But trust me he’s a cutie!

Now we are STILL waiting on our I-171H. I know, it’s only been like 2 mail days since I was whining about this the last time but come on already! We did get our passports today so that’s something at least. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for more goodies tomorrow!

More news today

2006-01-26T13:25:00.000-08:00

We got a few more tidbits about our boy yesterday. The ladies from the agency visited with him and his foster mom on Tuesday and e-mailed us a brief report. Apparently his foster mom "P" is married with a 6 yr old but they didn't say if it's a son or daughter. They said P was excited about the package and was happy to get the disposable camera so I'm hoping that means she's eager and willing to take some pictures for us! She said that our baby is eating and sleeping well and appears in good health, which of course is wonderful to hear! The people from the agency also were able to take pictures and video and they are going to send them to us next week when they return from their trip. I can't wait to finally see my baby boy, this is so exciting!

Oh, and I think I'm finally ready to go public with our baby's name, so to those of you who don't know already it's Cameron! I know I said we were going to wait until we saw his picture to decide for sure, but we were pretty sure about it even before we got the referral and we've been calling him that for a while, so I guess it's official now! I can't wait to put a face with the name! :)

Finally a little update

2006-01-24T11:17:00.000-08:00

I e-mailed our consultant at the agency last night and politely asked why we hadn't received any updates of any kind on our little boy since the initial referral and if this is normal (it's been over 5 weeks since we accepted the referral). We had been told that some of the staff was traveling there this week and were supposed to bring back updates but I just couldn't wait until next week to hear something!

Anyway, I'm glad I bugged her because she e-mailed back right away this morning and apologized for the lack of info so far. She said that because the staff was traveling down this week our attorney's office had not been sending updates since they would be there to get them in person. She did confirm that our dossier and check were received by our attorney and that our paperwork was being translated and legalized though so things are moving along. And of course they need our I-171H before we can move on with DNA testing, but they are doing what they can.

Then she said that the 2 ladies who went down to Guatemala from the agency were meeting with our attorney today and will be filming and getting updates on as many of the babies as they can. She said that our son was first on the list since he was one of the most recent referrals! They should be bringing back a copy of his medical info to date, and will send this and the pics and video out to us as soon as they can next week sometime. She did caution us to be patient since they were visiting 50 or more children so it may take time to sort through everything and get it sent out, but we should definitely get to see our little boy very soon! Woo-hoo!

So it's not much but it's enough to get me through the week! Now PLEASE Mr. Postman can you deliver us our I-171H? Pretty please?

Nursery Idea

2006-01-20T10:10:00.000-08:00

TGIF!! I'm so exhausted, this has been a long week! We still have no updates on our son. We are trying to be patient but is this normal?? I know someone (I think Kim) told me they never even saw a picture of their son until they went to visit so I guess it could be. At least we know the agency staff is traveling to Guatemala next week so we *should* find out something when they get back if not while they are there.

In the mean time I am still pondering the nursery situation. I pretty much decided the room needs a change so I'm not going to do Winnie the Pooh. It's adorable, but since I have plenty of time I want something new and different. And about a year and a half ago I got the cutest fabric to make a baby quilt for my dear friend Kerri and I liked the print so much I went back and bought what was left on the bolt! I didn't realize I had so much of this print until I went through my stash, but I have almost 4 yards so I think that's plenty to do something with in the room. My only concern is that the colors are TOO bright and obnoxious. So I scanned a picture of the print and the stripe fabric I have to coordinate with it and I'm looking for some honest opinions. I would tone it down with some other solid fabrics or less busy prints but is it still too much?

I wish I had something to talk about...

2006-01-17T19:40:00.000-08:00

Well...I really have nothing new to talk about today. I have actually been in kind of a funk so far this week and I'm just really tired and crabby. I think now that we are full force into the waiting game portion of this adoption I'm hitting a bit of a depression stage. It was all such a rush to get everything done and sent out and now suddenly we have nothing to do but wait and wonder what is happening. Things are no longer within my control and I don't like it! And no, we still have not gotten any pictures or updates on our son which is just adding to my frustration.

And of course we were so excited when we got our referral that we told EVERYONE about the baby, which is now turning around and biting me in the butt since people keep asking if we've heard anything. And though it's nice that people are excited for us and care what's happening, it just makes me more crabby because over and over again I have to say "no news". I knew this would happen too...I should have known better...but I couldn't keep our good news a secret any longer! Oh well.

In the mean time I am trying to decide how I want to do the baby's room. I say how "I" want to do it rather than "We" because my husband doesn't seem to care very much. I wish he would show a little more interest but ok, fine. So I am on the fence about going with a Winnie the Pooh theme and using all of the Pooh stuff I already own (which is a lot...I have always loved Pooh and have quite a collection), or go with something completely different. I found a cute crib set at Target that is the Classic Pooh collection that I really liked, but now I'm afraid it is discontinued because online it looks like a lot of it is out of stock and at our store there was hardly anything on the shelf. Typical. So then my next idea was to do something like a jungle theme with cute jungle animals and stuff and I have seen a lot of varations of this theme out there. This is probably what I want more than the Pooh stuff which I am a little sick of, but I'm also thinking about saving money and using the Pooh theme would be cheaper since I have so much decor already. Ah, decisions, decisions. I guess I'll just have to do some shopping and some pondering and figure out what I want to do! Any suggestions?!?

Good news today!

2006-01-11T17:15:00.000-08:00

We got an e-mail from the agency today letting us know our dossier had arrived and they were going to just look it over quickly then send everything off to our attorney today! Fantastic! I'm amazed at how quickly they turned that around at the Consulate's office and sent it out! Incidentally, they did NOT use the pre-paid mailer tracking number I had sent so it's a good thing I was not compulsively watching it for the last 3 days!

Then I sent out our first half of the country fee today so I have another package to track! That means our check and the dossier packet should arrive at the same time which seems like a good thing. Now if only the I-171H Gods would shine on us and we could that that in the mail quickly we will be set! I know it will be a while yet for that but at least things are moving along now after 3 weeks of nothing!

And last but not least I sent out a package to our sweet little boy today. It's a flannel blanket that I made for him along with this cute little outfit (OshKosh B'Gosh of course) and a disposable camera with a note for the foster mom that my wonderful sister-in-law translated for me. Hopefully everything arrives safely at it's intended destination, though I feel confident that it will be fine since the agency staff is bringing it. I was really emotional about sending everything for some reason, I think that knowing this was going to our baby really brought a sense of reality to the situation that I hadn't felt as much up until now. It's hard to explain. Anyway, I hope he likes everything! :)

Seriously annoyed!

2006-01-10T20:39:00.000-08:00

I'm so annoyed at our *bleep* *bleep* *bleeping* medical insurance carrier I could seriously scream right now!

Ok, let me tell you the situation. My husband's company changed insurance carriers this past year to get better rates and better coverage. Ok, great...but the doctors we had been going to were no longer covered and we would have to switch. Crap. We put it off as long as possible but we both needed physicals for our home study and we had to take the plunge. So we go to the web site, find a new doctor, call to make sure they are accepting patients, have all our records transferred, the whole deal.

So then today I went out on their website to just take a peek at pediatricians (may as well add one more item to my list of things to stress over, and besides I was killing time at work). So I'm looking up doctors in our area and I noticed there were some listed from the clinic we used to go to...the clinic we discontinued going to because the new insurance didn't cover our old doctors. At this point I'm thinking it's weird that they would cover pediatricians from there and not regular family practitioners and I get suspicious. Would those *bleep* *bleep* *bleepers* go and add doctors from our old clinic to their list of providers only a couple of months after we went through all the hassle of switching? Oh yes, those jackasses sure as hell did! I did a search and found that both mine and my husband's previous doctors are now covered by our insurance! What the $#&*??? I'm so pissed right now I can't even believe it! I mean, I LIKE my new doctor, I really do, but I liked my old doctor too and she actually knew me whereas this new woman is vouching for my health and sanity on our adoption paperwork when she has seen me once before in her life!

I guess it's water under the bridge at this point and I don't plan on changing back but it's sure annoying. Stupid *bleep* *bleep* *bleepers*. I hate insurance!

Another check mark on the to-do list

2006-01-09T19:29:00.000-08:00

We had our fingerprint appointment this morning, one more thing to say we have "complete"! The actual appointment was a piece of cake, the drive to downtown Milwaukee through heavy construction was not. I looked up how to get there on Mapquest (my favorite) and thought we were all set until we discovered the exit we needed was either closed or no longer there so we couldn't get off the highway where we expected to! We ended up taking the next exit which landed us in a not-so-friendly looking neighborhood, but thankfully we went right past a police station so we stopped there for directions! It turns out we weren't too far off track and we managed to find the place no problem with the officer's help, though I feel certain if we hadn't asked for directions we might still be driving around looking for the place! Thankfully we had left plenty early so even after our detour, a lot of swearing and a minor crying fit we managed to make it to our appointment with a few minutes to spare!

When we got home I had an e-mail in my inbox from the agency so of course I got really exciting thinking it was an update and picture...no such luck. Our case worker was just checking in and wanted to let us know that some of the staff are traveling down to Guatemala at the end of the month and hope to be able to get video and pictures of all the new babies that have been referred recently. She said hopefully we'll get some pictures of our son after they return in early February! Wait, did she say February?!? Oh yeah, she did. I realize that there probably aren't a lot of Guatemalan foster mothers running around with their digital cameras and e-mailing the attorney's every other day with new pictures but come on people, I can't wait until FEBRUARY!!! So anyway, I nicely e-mailed back and asked if there was any possibility that we would get something sooner and she reminded me for the 15th time that our attorney has been on vacation and was just back today so to be patient because they are probably backed up after the holidays. So ok, I'm being patient but that doesn't mean I have to like it! (Insert heavy sigh of frustration here.)

The good news is I can send a package to our son with the staff so at least that is something. I made him a little receiving blanket out of 2 pieces of flannel slapped together and topstitched and I want to send a disposable camera. Then if there is room in my zip-lock bag I may send a little outfit too, but I don't want to send too much since they have to hand carry this stuff. So I have to get this stuff together and sent out ASAP...just when I get one thing marked off the to-do list I add another! Typical!

Can anyone recommend a good book or two on Guatemalan culture and history? I would like to learn a little more about the place my son was born before I go there so I can understand and appreciate it more. Plus I figure I better do so now while I actually have the time because once that boy comes home I know I won't be doing much casual reading!

One step closer

2006-01-05T15:25:00.000-08:00

We FINALLY got the finished/signed/notarized copy of our home study yesterday so this morning I was able to package up all my precious dossier documents and FedEx them out to the Consulate in Chicago! It was such a relief to get that stuff out of my house, I have had irrational fears that all of these letters, documents and seals we have collected would get water spilled on them or burn up in flames or something before we could send them!

Now that they are out of my hands however, I have been obsessively tracking the package (which has been picked up but apparently has gone nowhere as of 5pm today) and anxiously awaiting it's arrival tomorrow morning. Then I can begin obsessively checking the return air bill number to see if it has left the Consulate and arrived at the agency! And now of course I have an irrational fear that FedEx is going to lose my package or the address is wrong or I filled out the air bill wrong or one of our documents needs to be redone or SOMETHING bad will happen! I know, I'm a little psycho about this. Perhaps I should have just taken the day off of work to drive down to Chicago and drop the envelope off in person at the Consulate's office, wait for them to seal everything there (which probably takes a while but honestly I have no clue) and then drive it up to our agency's office in Michigan? Sounds like a valuable usage of my time. Have I mentioned that I obsess over things?

So anyway, we are finally one step closer to bringing our little boy home, or at least closer to getting the process started in Guatemala since everything has been at a dead standstill for 2 weeks now. I'm still a bit annoyed at our social worker for taking SO LONG to get our home study finished (our final meeting was December 2nd so it took a full month to get a final copy), but since our attorney in Guatemala was also unavailable until next week it didn't really make much difference in the long run anyway. Now the real waiting begins... :(

Wow, I finished something!

2006-01-03T17:53:00.000-08:00

Remember that quilt project that I was talking about in this post? The one I was going to maybe finish that weekend or soon after? Well, I didn't quite get it done as quickly as I hoped, but I finally finished it yesterday! Check it out!

The pattern is called "Hidden Star" though unfortunately the stars ended up being a lot more hidden than I had expected. If you look closely at the red fabric, those triangles do make the outline of a star, but the contrast fabric (blue with flags) isn't enough of a contrast to bring it out. Oh well. It's only a lap quilt for myself so I don't care! It's warm and snuggly and I love it! So do my kitties, and as it turns out it's a kitty cat cuddle magnet! I love to cuddle with my kitties, too bad the thing is already full of cat hair though! Drat! (Kim, does this look familiar?)

I think my next project is going to be something super cute for our baby boy! I already have some fabric in my stash that I think I'm going to use that will be perfect! I feel inspired now, I have to keep this momentum going! And hopefully keeping busy will help pass the time until he is home with me! The agony of 2 weeks with no news is killing me, what will I do for the next several months? Agh!!

Happy New Year!

2005-12-31T07:19:00.000-08:00

I'm taking a break from obsessively checking my e-mail in the hopes that there will be some new info on our son (there isn't...) to just wish everyone a very happy 2006! It's been a wild year for my husband and I, and the coming year promises to be even crazier, but I can't wait for it to all happen! I know the wait is gonna be killer but it will be so worth it!

We are heading out to our friends' house tonight to have our "last hurrah" since next New Year's Eve we will most likely be home with our little one. We figure we better get out while we can and live it up as much as we can! Life is going to change in a big way very soon!

So HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone and I'll talk to you in 2006!

P.S. I changed my user ID to just be "Kristin" (that's me) instead of Kritter74. I'm not sure why I set myself up as that in the first place, I don't think I knew what I was doing when I set up my blogger account (I still don't really know what I'm doing but that's beside the point), but I'm coming clean with my real name now!

Post holiday musings

2005-12-27T16:28:00.000-08:00

So all the build up and the shopping and hustle and bustle is over and another Christmas has come and gone. It was a good year for my hubby and I, though at times it was hard knowing that our son is down in Guatemala and we didn't get to spend his first Christmas with him. But we did get to spend some good quality family time AND got some good loot to boot.

My husband's brother and girlfriend got us our first gift for the baby, a sweet little outfit that has camping stuff and animals on it (perfect for us) and it just about brought me to tears. I didn't expect it from them, they are usually not that thoughtful! (Sorry but it's true!) Then my brother and sister-in-law sent us 2 books, "What to Expect the First Year" and "What to Expect in the Toddler Years" plus a big fat check which was totally unexpected and so incredibly generous of them! When we called to thank them they said they are so excited for us and they just really wanted to help with the expenses. I don't think they have any idea how much that meant to us, it was really a great surprise and I get teary just thinking about it! Do adoptive mothers get hormonal too?

Other than that we got at TON of DVD's, both movies and tv shows. It's amazing how many movies we got actually! My husband was joking that we should open up a movie rental place out of our garage to make extra cash! Hmmm...not a bad idea actually! Make a little cash AND pass the time before we can bring our baby home? Brilliant!

Unfortunately we have no new information on our son or any pictures yet. We met with our agency consultant today to finish up a few things and she was going to do some digging and see if she could get us an update and/or picture. It sounds like our contact in Guatemala is on vacation until January 9th though so we may not get anything until then! Ugh! I'm trying to be patient but that is a long time from now! I hope they can find something, even if it's not a good picture at least it's something! And I thought we would be able to send all of our paperwork to the consulate this week but it turns out we STILL don't have the final copy of our homestudy yet and probably won't until next week. Another Ugh! Our homestudy went from moving at the speed of light to moving at a snail's pace. We have been very patient and understanding because we know that our social worker had her baby very prematurely and has had obvious reasons to be slow in getting the paperwork finished but come on already! Time's up, we have a referral now, get 'er done!

Anyway, that's all for today! I hope everyone else had a nice holiday, whatever it is that you celebrate! One down, one to go! I'm looking forward to a very happy new year!

Thank you!

2005-12-24T06:37:00.000-08:00

I wanted to post a quick thank you to everyone who stopped by my blog to congratulate us on our referral! I am simply amazed and overwhelmed with emotion over all the well wishes we have received from friends and family both online and in person. It's incredible how fast news can fly through word of mouth! We told a few people and they told a few more people...anyway it feels like now EVERYONE knows that we have a son! Inside I'm still insanely nervous that something will fall through and I know that it definitely could, but I'm trying to just stay focused and positive!

And there must be some angels watching over us at the post office and Secretary of State office because I sent out our request for state seals to go with our final 4 notarized documents on Wednesday morning and they arrived in Friday evening's mail! I specifically sent them out ASAP knowing that holiday mail would probably be slow and government offices would be closed...guess it didn't matter! That means after we meet with our agency consultant on Tuesday afternoon to check everything over we are ready to send our paperwork out! Another Christmas miracle all on it's own! Yahoo!

So thank you again to everyone! May you all have a very happy and blessed holiday!

Santa came a few days early!

2005-12-21T16:53:00.000-08:00

Only hours after I posted yesterday wondering how long it would take to get a referral we got THE CALL! We now have a referral for a baby boy! Our son was born on November 15th in Mazatenango, Guatemala and is apparently a healthy little guy! We are thrilled to say the least. We don't have any pictures yet but hopefully soon! I'm actually surprised that he is over 4 weeks at the time of referral but that's just fine and thankfully we are all ready with paperwork and just have to take care of the power of attorney and witness forms and we are ready to send it all out! Yay!

We do have a name in mind but we haven't decided officially yet. Hopefully we'll see that picture soon so we can decide of the name fits the boy!

We are so excited! This is the best Christmas gift EVER!!!

Out and about

2005-12-20T06:39:00.000-08:00

I spent the last few months not saying much about our adoption to people other than close friends and family because it was so early on in the process. But now that we are approved for the home study and on the waiting list for our baby I feel ready to take the plunge and be a lot more open about it. However, now that I am ready to talk I'm finding it's awkward to bring it up and I even get kind of nervous when I talk about it. It's weird because I am completely and totally excited about adopting and I'm eager to share this excitement with the rest of our friends, but I think maybe my problem is that I'm actually this really shy person and to have such big and exciting news puts me in a spotlight that I don't feel comfortable being in. I guess I better get over it because more and more people are going to find out now, you know how word-of-mouth goes! Maybe we let the cat out of the bag too soon?

So anyway, now we are "out" and I find it to be a big relief but it's also a strange feeling. I spent the last 4 years of my life avoiding babies and anything related to them, and now I find myself looking for cribs online during my lunch break! I also broke down and bought some clothes for our as of yet unknown bundle of joy, even though I swore I wouldn't do that until we had a referral and knew for sure it was a boy (we said boy was our first choice since the agency said there was nobody on the waiting list for boys, but we would be open to a girl too). But I couldn't help it! You see, I work for a children's clothing company and this past week for Christmas they offered us "employee appreciation" which was 40% off at our outlet store. Well I went there to buy clothes for our niece and nephew but I left with a sac full of clothes for our baby too! I found deals that I just couldn't pass up, and so much cute stuff! I got one little 0/3 month outfit that I hope to send in a little care package and the rest I got a little bigger in the hopes that he hasn't outgrown it by the time we get to see him! I guess I'm getting excited now...too bad we won't probably have any news on a referral until after the holidays but you never know!

Speaking of the referral, I'm not exactly sure how long that will take now. We decided to specify 2 different contacts in Guatemala that we would prefer to work with because they are faster than some of the others. (Thanks so much to Kim for the advice!) So it could take a little bit longer to get a referral, but we decided we would much rather wait for that and then possibly be able to bring our baby home younger. In the mean time we can get all of our paperwork done as far as we can and be "ready" when we get the call! I guess we better get cracking and decide on some names! :)

Sick

2005-12-17T10:56:00.000-08:00

I would just like to thank my darling husband for sharing his germs with me. I now have the cold he has had for 2 weeks and is finally getting over and I feel like a big pile of poop. I realize part of marriage is sharing, but germs should be excluded! I knew I should have put him in a plastic bubble until he stopped sneezing! ;)

Tagged!

2005-12-14T17:14:00.000-08:00

My friend Kim has tagged me in so I will give this a try!

Seven things to do before I die (not in order of priority):

1. Become a mom (almost there!)
2. Learn to speak another language
3. Learn to play the guitar
4. Teach my husband how to fold clothes properly
5. Build a big house and move out into the country
6. Lose weight and actually keep it off
7. Go on a cruise

Seven things I cannot do:

1. Knit or crochet
2. Draw freehand
3. Play any musical instrument
4. Not eat any kind of baked good or junk food item that is presented to me
5. Do math without a calculator
6. Lose weight and actually keep it off (see above)
7. Drive a stick shift vehicle

Seven things that attract me to my spouse:
1. His stunning blue eyes
2. His sense of humor
3. His ability to calm me down when I'm freaking out about something
4. His caring personality
5. The way he tells me he loves me all the time, even when I have been in a bitchy mood all day
6. I know he will do just about anything for me
7. He's just so darn cute!

Seven things I say most often:

1. Hey guys, what's happening? (In the tone of the boss from Office Space)
2. Gotta go outside? (to my dogs)
3. Good girl! (again...dogs)
4. Holy crap!
5. Molly, Maggy...Come here!
6. What?
7. I'm tired

Seven books (or series) I love:

1. The Harry Potter Series
2. Any mystery novel by Mary Higgins Clark
3. Childhood Fave: Charlotte's Web
4. The Lord of the Rings
5. Novels by Nora Roberts
6. Little House on the Prairie series (another childhood fave)
7. Lillian Jackson Braun's "The Cat Who..." series (Is that dorky? My mom got me into those books!)

Seven movies I watch over and over again:

1. All three Lord of the Rings movies - The extended DVDs of course!
2. Sleepy Hollow (with Johnny Depp)
3. Saving Silverman
4. Office Space
5. A Knight's Tale
6. Notting Hill
7. All of the Harry Potter movies

Seven people I'm curious about that I'd like to join in:

This is really tough for me since I don't know of many people who actually read my blog but haven't been tagged already! I'll pick the one person I know of...
1. Dennise (Though she may be busy getting ready for her trip to visit her little girl!)

Then there are a couple people who read my blog but don't have their own...perhaps it's time to start one? (Or just give your answers as a comment to this post!)
2. Aussie Jenn
3. Kerri

I'll just stop there...but if you DO read my blog feel free to post a comment so I know and then I'll add you to the list below!
4.
5.
6.
7.

Nothing new

2005-12-11T08:13:00.000-08:00

Ho hum…nothing much to talk about. It’s funny because when I started this blog I thought I would have so much to say but I guess we are just in a limbo state now. I have gotten a little more into the Christmas spirit and did a little decorating and power shopped my way through the majority of our list. I hope our family doesn’t expect as much from us as they received in years past since we are on a much tighter budget this year. They’ll get over it.

No news on a referral yet, not that I’m surprised since it’s only been a few days, but I guess we could technically hear something at any time. That is exciting but it also makes me sad to think that there are so many women in that country that have to make the decision to give up their child. I have actually been thinking about that a lot lately and I get a little emotional over the subject. I cannot imagine having to give up my child but I feel so thankful and blessed that we are able to give that child a better chance in life than they would have had otherwise. At least I hope we can, I have been feeling a little insecure in my parenting abilities lately but that is a subject for another day…

So I’ll leave you with a shot of Molly, Santa’s back-up reindeer, with her faithful sidekick Tabby the cat. She is waiting patiently for “the call” in case she is needed this year, in the mean time she's hanging out watching Animal Planet!

Winding Down

2005-12-07T17:44:00.000-08:00

Well, our home visit on Friday was quick and painless and our home study is officially complete. Our social worker said she should have it all typed up and ready to go by the end of this week. We have all of the reference letters and documents that we need for the dossier paperwork, now we just have to send out for state seals on everything (what a pain…in WI we have to pay $10 per state seal, one for each notarized document in our dossier packet which equals 18 seals total). Our international coordinator told us she had the agency put us on the waiting list as soon as she had verbal confirmation that the home study was ok, so we could get a referral at any time even though we aren’t quite paper ready!

And while I’m thrilled that everything is coming together and the paper chase is calming down a bit, I feel that I am slowly but surely losing control of the situation. As soon as we get a referral and all the documents are sent out all we can really do is wait. And I don’t like to wait. I must admit that throughout our 4 years of TTC I learned to have much more patience than I had in the past, but that doesn’t mean I like sitting around waiting for things to happen! So I know that once I don’t have reference letters to chase down, applications to fill out, or social workers to tell my life story to, I am going to go just a little bit nuts with the waiting!

Anyone have any words of advice for a control freak like me? How do I go from a constant state of impending deadlines to sitting back and letting things happen without going insane? Am I going to have to resort to actually Christmas shopping, decorating and writing out Christmas cards?!? The horror of it all! ;)

No Holiday Focus

2005-12-02T07:01:00.000-08:00

I cannot get into the Christmas season this year. The only thing my mind can focus on right now is the task at hand...finish homestudy...finish dossier paperwork...send everything out...wait. Maybe when I get to the "wait" part I will be able to think about decorating and shopping a little, but not this week! So everyone (and I am talking about overly-exuberant offline friends and family, not my blog and e-mail friends) please stop asking me if I have my house decorated yet, if we have our tree up, if we have our Christmas shopping done...the answer is NO, NO and NO! And for heaven's sake stop asking me what I want for Christmas! When I say "CASH" I am not kidding, do you know what my bank account looks like right now?

Whew...back to cleaning the house! Home visit is today at 4pm!!

Another week flies by

2005-11-29T00:36:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's been a week since I wrote anything! I have been busy and I was out of town so I'll use that as my excuse. We had a nice Turkey day at my mother-in-law's. It was just Brian and I, his mom, aunt and sister for dinner so it was pretty low key. Then my brother-in-law, the girlfriend and our niece and nephew came over later so we all got to hang out. I ended up playing Hungry Hungry Hippo's with my almost 3yr old nephew for like an hour. I don't know if anyone remembers this game but it is not something that can sustain my attention for more than 5 minutes as an adult but he was having a good time. He kept saying "I win!" despite the fact that we weren't keeping score or anything. It was damn cute.

So then Friday through Sunday I spent the weekend at my parents' (they are about 2 hours south of us) since Brian had to work his crappy holiday weekend hours (retail really sucks) and my brother and sister-in-law had come in from San Francisco as well as my Aunt from up north so I wanted to see them. My brother just got married this past June and we spent a good part of Friday afternoon looking through about 5,000 wedding pictures with my new sister-in-law. I like looking at pictures but it started to get old after a while (honestly it seemed to take hours to look through them all), but I do remember being that excited about our wedding once upon a time so I dealt with it.

And of course our adoption was a hot topic of conversation since everyone is pretty excited about it. I still feel weird talking about it for some reason, even with my family, is that normal? Even though it's starting to feel more and more real every day it's still not the same as being pregnant and having that magical moment when you tell everyone you're expecting and you have a due date and it's a process that everyone understands. People are just so amazed when you tell them all the hoops you have to jump through in order to adopt. And of course everyone wants to know a time frame for which I just don't know. I have estimates but that's all I can offer, sorry folks! Actually, the questions are already kind of annoying me, I can't wait until we have had 3 or 4 months if just WAITING, I'm gonna go nuts!

So anyway, the only downside to the weekend was the fact that my SIL kept talking about her and my brother starting a family soon. Because my brother and SIL are both older than me, in their later 30's, I knew that if they wanted to have kids they weren't going to wait that long to start trying so I have been mentally preparing for this since the wedding. I guess I just didn't expect to be hearing about it so soon, nor did I expect to feel as jealous as I did especially considering it won't be long before we finally do have a family of our own. But hearing her discuss how she hopes the baby gets this trait from her and that trait from my brother brought on a twinge of sadness for what might have been. Don't get me wrong, we are extremely happy to be adopting and if we had been dead set on having a bio child then we would be going through IVF right now instead of working on dossier paperwork...but I still can't help feeling a little jealous. I DO hope they are able to get pregnant without any major drama as I wouldn't wish the hell we have been through on my worst enemy. I just hope it takes them a few months so that next Christmas will be all about our baby and he won't have to share the limelight with his cousin! I know that it's totally selfish of me but I don't care, it's what I want! (Have I mentioned I am really an evil person?)

So that's my update of the past week. Oh, and we have our home visit rescheduled for Friday so I have to get the house back in order! I spoke to our social worker on Sunday and she was only 33 weeks when her daughter was born last week! Sounds like baby is doing fine but will have to be in the hospital for a while because she is so small. But thankfully in the mean time she can come out and do the home visit and we can finally finish our home study! Woo-hoo! Things are moving along nicely, let's hope it's clear sailing after that!

The big let-down

2005-11-22T16:58:00.000-08:00

Tonight's post was supposed to be one of relief letting everyone know that our homestudy was indeed complete. Unfortunately, our social worker called at 3pm (our meeting was set up for 5pm) to say she had a family emergency and had to postpone our home visit. Now while I was deeply disappointed and crabby about this, I could tell by the tone in her voice that she was upset and I do hope everything is ok. So now with the holiday weekend we have to wait until next week to reschedule, and due to mine and dh's schedules it won't be until Friday or Saturday. Ugh! At least it isn't as though we are all done with the dossier paperwork and waiting for the home study to be done...we are just starting all of that so it isn't that big of a deal...I just wanted to be DONE!! Oh well, shit happens I guess!

So at least our individual meetings on Sunday seemed to go well. It seems so weird to talk about so much personal stuff with a stranger but our SW is very nice and made it pretty painless. It was a pretty long meeting though, I think she talked to me for almost an hour and a half! She didn't talk to my husband for as long, I'm not sure what that means exactly, but she didn't seem to have any major concerns.

Anyway, I think tomorrow afternoon (our office is closing at noon) I'll work on filling out more paperwork and next week we should be able to compile the rest of the reference letters and documents we need for the dossier (I say with fingers crossed). So things are coming together slowly, though I'm sure something else is bound to go wrong before we get through this step. I know I should think positive, but I also know what our track record is...seems like there is always something that comes up (tonight being case in point)! Oh well, one day at a time, right?

Thank goodness we decided to "just adopt". ;)

**UPDATE 11/23 - We found out what happend with our social worker...she HAD A BABY! Obviously I knew she was pregnant from looking at her (which bothered me slightly but I got over it), but she didn't seem very big so I am thinking she went in early. I spoke to the receptionist at our agency about everything and it sounds like she is still planning to finish our home study, just not until later next week. So we'll see how this drama unfolds and hope that we can get this sucker done and put to rest soon!

Freaking out a little

2005-11-18T23:48:00.000-08:00

Information overload! So much to do and I want it done yesterday! We met with our international coordinator today and she gave us all the dossier paperwork that needs to be compiled. It's not nearly as scary as I had imagined but a daunting task nonetheless.

And I am having all of these weird thoughts and feelings right now that I can't quite explain. Things are moving so fast with the home study, and now we are going to try to get the dossier done as soon as possible and I feel a little overwhelmed. Then she said there is nobody on the waiting list for boys from Guatemala right now so as soon as our homestudy is complete we could have a referral right away! That is exciting but kind of scary at the same time. I feel like I want my baby home right now...but at the same time I'm not ready. Does that make sense? I realize there is going to be a lot of waiting around once we get the referral but it is starting to feel so real...what the hell have we gotten ourselves into?!?

I'm stressed...I can't sleep...I keep thinking, am I ready to be a mommy? We have waited for this so long and suddenly I'm so unsure. What is wrong with me?

Anyway, I'll try to get some sleep now...sweet dreams!

My husband, the saint

2005-11-16T17:43:00.000-08:00

Have I mentioned lately what a great guy I married? I'm sure I haven't said it nearly enough. After 8 1/2 years together we have definitely had our ups and downs...there were even times when I didn't know if we were going to make it this far...but here we are still together! And he not only puts up with my occasional bitchiness, but he also takes care of me far better than what I think I deserve!

I have to admit, I wasn't sure what to expect from him when we signed up with the adoption agency. He isn't one to show a lot of emotion over anything in general, and despite the fact that he told me over and over he was ready to take this step I still felt that I was the one making the decision and he was just along for the ride. But step by step I have seen him get more and more involved...granted he hasn't filled out much paperwork because he has terrible handwriting and I am a control freak so it has to be done perfectly to my standards...but other than that every task I have given him he's come through on. I still have to prod him a little but mostly he gets it done. ;)

Then lately I have had several of our friends say how excited he seems about the adoption and how he talks about it all the time! What? He talks about it all the time?? I had no idea! I mean, we talk about it all the time to each other because this is our life right now, but I had no idea he was so anxious to share with other people! So much for not telling everyone...I guess the cat's out of the bag!

Then on Monday night, almost as soon as we got home from our first home study meeting, he started cleaning the house! Our social worker had told us some things she looks for in a home visit, including keeping all cleaning supplies up and out of reach because she doesn't trust those little plastic cabinet child-proofer thingys (I don't know what they're called...you know what I mean). So here he was pulling all of the cleaning supplies out from under the kitchen sink and reorganizing to find a higher place to put them. He reorganized half the cabinets in the kitchen and this big one in our laundry room to get all of that stuff up and out of the way! Then last night he came home with a buzillion outlet covers and was plugging every unused outlet in our house, the garage, and maybe even the neighbor's house, I'm not sure! Tonight when I got home he had cleaned the bathroom and mopped the floor! Oh yeah, and he was putting laundry away when I came in...I think I need to work late more often!

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is my husband is the best and I'm so glad he is so excited to become a daddy! I apologize for this uncharacteristically sappy message...tomorrow I'll be back to bitching about something I'm sure! In the mean time if you ever happen to read this honey...I LOVE YOU!!

Homestudy meeting #1

2005-11-14T18:46:00.000-08:00

This afternoon was our first homestudy meeting with our social worker at the agency. I was pretty nervous going into it but after talking to her just a little bit I could tell she was really nice and not at all "out to get us" so I relaxed. This meeting was mostly her talking to us about things we need to take into consideration before we adopt and things we need to be aware of as far as possible problems that could arise such as developmental delays, attachment disorders, etc. It was mostly things we had already thought about but she is required to go through this big long scary checklist of stuff and she did have some good advice on how to deal with certain situations that could arise.

Then there was more paperwork to sign and we had to take this really odd personality test which asked things like "Can you be friendly to a person who does really bad things?" (huh?) and a questionnaire regarding alcohol and drug use. Honestly I don't get those tests because if you are truly an alcoholic drug addict are you going to be truthful about it? It just seems kinda useless to me but whatever.

So next up is our individual meetings which are set up for Sunday afternoon, back to back. Then our in home visit is scheduled for next Tuesday so we'll be done before Thanksgiving! Wow! Then this Friday we meet with our international coordinator to hand in our initial application for the Guatemala program and get our dossier packet. Oh goodie, more paperwork!! Somebody please tell me that the dossier isn't too terrible, I just want to get that done as fast as possible and then maybe we can get a little breathing room to enjoy the holidays! If we get a referral by Christmas as predicted it will all be so worthwhile!

Full speed ahead

2005-11-10T14:27:00.000-08:00

Things are starting to move along really fast with our adoption all of the sudden. We scheduled our 1st homestudy meeting for Monday afternoon and I’m nervous about that. Thank goodness this one is at her office so I don’t have to spend all weekend cleaning the house! Then we also got our 3rd packet of paperwork to fill out (joy), this time it is the application for the international program. This batch will be easy since it’s just a re-hash of stuff we already had to fill out for the homestudy application but it’s just a pain in the butt. Oh, and that fat check we have to send along with it doesn’t really excite me either. Once we complete that we meet with the international coordinator who will get us started on our dossier, probably before the end of the month. She said if all goes well and we keep on track with our paperwork and homestudy we could have a referral by Christmas!! I can’t believe it! I mean I know that there will still be months we have to wait after the referral but the fact that we are that close to it is amazing to me! Here's hoping that we don't hit too many roadblocks...maybe we will have a Merry Christmas this year after all!

A blog makeover

2005-11-08T19:50:00.000-08:00

I decided I was tired of looking at the pink background and found this pretty "harbor" template so I gave my blog a makeover! Turns out this is a major pain in the ass however...note to self, don't do that again anytime soon!

Anyway, it's still me so don't get confused by the change! Hope you like it!

A Monday rant

2005-11-07T20:25:00.000-08:00

I have had one hell of a day today. There were a couple of really good things that happened which I will get to at the end, but for the most part today kind of sucked. Here is a list of some things that royally pissed me off on this crappier than usual Monday:

~ I woke up 30 minutes before my alarm was set to go off and had to pee so bad that my bladder literally hurt. So then I layed there and pondered whether I should A) Get up and pee then crawl back in bed for 29 minutes knowing I will have just fallen asleep when my stupid alarm goes off, or B) Get up and pee then stay up and be annoyed because I could have possibly slept for another 29 minutes, or C) Lay in bed for 30 minutes thinking about how much I have to pee but not willing to get up and leave the warmth of my cozy bed. I chose C and then nearly pissed myself when I finally did crawl out of bed and hit the cold air!

~ After I got up I realized that my old friend Aunt Flow had come to visit during the night and when I finally did empty my bladder I proceeded to get horribly nasty cramps. (Why does this happen after I pee? Does this happen to anyone else?) Then for the rest of the day I felt crampy, bloated, headachy and tired and even my Midol didn’t seem to make it better. I need stronger drugs!

~ Along with my friend AF comes my other friend Acne! I am breaking out all over my face, especially on my chin, which is now covered in little zits. I thought acne was just a teen thing, why am I still getting this at age 31?!?

~ Then the girl I like least of anyone in my department, who I am lucky enough to sit next to, was late again this morning. She is always late and it bugs the shit out of me. I admit I am late on occasion, but I commute 30 minutes and sometimes you just can’t predict getting stopped by a train or slowed down by fog or other random delays. Plus I am salary and work tons of overtime so I figure if I get in at 8:05 but stay until 6:30 at night it’s kind of irrelevant. But this bratty little twit that I share a cube with lives 5 minutes away and has no kids, no boyfriend/husband to fight over the bathroom with, no pets to feed. There is no reason other than pure laziness that she cannot get her ass out of bed 5 minutes earlier every morning so that she can roll into the parking in time to be at her desk at 8:00! I swear she must literally leave her apartment at the time she should be getting to work! Oh, but then it gets better. After rolling in at 8:06 she proceeds to eat her breakfast at her desk while checking her personal e-mails for 10-15 minutes. Then later she goes home for a full hour lunch, after which she spends another 15-20 minutes checking her bank account online and shopping for a new car. Then at about 4:20 she pops on the internet to look up directions to the car lot she is going to after work and she is out the door at 4:29. And on her self evaluation for her year-end review she will talk about what great time management skills she has. I swear I’m going to smack her one of these days!!

~ Then on the way home from work (I didn’t leave until 5:30) it’s already pitch black outside because of stupid daylight savings. Then I get stuck between this slowpoke driving 5 miles under the speed limit and this jackass riding my tail so close that all I see is a blinding reflection from his headlights in my rearview mirror! I take a 2 lane highway home that is very winding and has a lot of traffic at this time of night so I couldn’t get past the slowpoke ahead of me and I literally had to keep slamming on my brakes so Jackass behind me would lay off! People suck!

Whew…I think my hormones are in overdrive, I just have no tolerance for this crap today! Thank goodness there were some positives to help me snap out of my funk before I was forced to run someone off the road or bludgeon my coworker to death with a Sharpie!

~ When I got home from work my husband was cleaning the house! And I hadn't even been nagging him to do so! :)

~ We got a call from our agency and they have all of the necessary paperwork to start our home study meetings. We now have a case worker assigned to us and she should be calling this week to schedule our first meeting!

~ Also, the woman at our local agency who coordinates everything with our international agency is sending out all the paperwork we need to fill out for that program to get the ball rolling there too. And she said the waiting list for boys from Guatemala is still very short and that couples are getting referrals almost immediately upon finishing their homestudy! Wow, this is all happening so fast all of the sudden! (On a side note to my friend Kim/Stillhoping, yes we are going with the same agency you used and I feel really positive about them!)

So that was my crazy day. Thank goodness the whole Monday plus AF thing doesn't happen every month or they might have to start locking me up like a werewolf during the full moon!

Men have it so easy

2005-11-04T22:38:00.000-08:00

My hubby went to his new doctor for a physical yesterday so we could get his health assessment filled out and sent in (finally). So when I got home from work I asked him how it went.

His response: "Good! I was in and out of there in less than 20 minutes and I didn't even have to drop my pants!"

Now ladies of the infertile world, when is the last time you went to the dr. and didn't have to drop your pants at some point? Seriously, some days I just hate being a girl.

Reality Check

2005-11-02T18:28:00.000-08:00

I'm sick of getting screwed over. When we were going through IF treatments our insurance didn't cover crap so we paid most of our medical expenses out of pocket. We paid a LOT out of pocket. When I think about how much money we forked out for specialists and meds and u/s and IUI and blood tests which all got us, oh yeah, NOWHERE, I feel kind of sick.

And now that we are pursuing adoption, of course there is a whole new list of things that we have to pay for. Big bucks. Money that could be going into my kid's college fund or spent on a nicer house so my child could have a bigger bedroom and a better yard to play in, or a minivan so I could cart around my 2.5 kids and a dog...something besides agency fees and legal expenses and all of that misc. adoption "stuff". Let's be honest, I don't even know where all the money goes, I just know I need a lot of it.

So we went to the bank and the nice lady gave us a loan and wished us good luck. And I remember feeling so happy and relieved when we left, knowing that now we could pay for everything. I don't know how we are ever going to pay it all back, but we have a 10 year loan and a crappy interest rate so what the hell.

Then at work I found out that my company will be offering adoption benefits starting the first of the year. Whoopee! But the reality is that this benefit is 2 weeks paid time off upon assuming custody of the child and up to $3,000 reimbursement for adoption expenses. Well...it is something, and something is better than nothing, but it's pretty much crap compared to what you get if you actually pop a kid out yourself. If you get pregnant and give birth you get your prenatal medical expenses paid by insurance other than copays and deductibles. I mean I realize you have to pay premiums for your insurance throughout the year but you would be paying that anyway. Then after you have the child you can qualify for short term disability because your body is healing. If I understand our new policy correctly that means 100% of your pay for up to 6 weeks.

So does that mean it takes 2 weeks to form a bond with your child but 6 weeks for your girl parts to heal after giving birth? I think that's total bullshit. I mean, maybe I should have a hysterectomy done 2 weeks after I legally adopt my child and then I can take 8 weeks off paid?!? Hmmmm....

Anyway, I have just been thinking about how much time I want to take off when we bring home our child vs. how much time we can realistically afford for me to take off and the reality of this has all been sinking in. It just sucks and it makes me pretty crabby. I know it will all be totally worth it in the end, but in the mean time just allow me to wallow in self pity for a bit.

Now that I got that off my chest I'm off to raid the leftover Halloween candy!

Candy is Evil

2005-10-30T12:42:00.000-08:00

It's Trick or Treat time and that means bags and bags of "fun size" candy bars are EVERYWHERE! But what is really so "fun"about this size? It's smaller than normal and that should mean that you eat a little bit of candy...not that you eat 5 of them because it's just a little piece after all, right?

Perhaps instead of buying candy I should just buy a tub of lard and liberally apply it directly to my abs, buns, and thighs because that's where it's going to end up! It might not be as much fun for the kids who show up at my door hoping for actual goodies though.

Here's something that is fun and calorie free...my puppy dressed for Halloween! She only had this on for about 5 minutes but it was the highlight of my weekend!

Nothing new

2005-10-26T18:45:00.000-07:00

God, my life is boring! I was so excited to watch Lost tonight only to find it's a rerun and it screwed up my whole night! And no Ghost Hunters either! What the heck is a childless woman supposed to do on a Wednesday night while her hubby is at bowling, anyway? Cleaning? Laundry?!? Oh Hell no! I have vowed that I won't do housework on his bowling night, it's just a thing with me. You might suggest that I work on the quilt I spoke of in my last posting but I'm not in the mood and you just have to be in the mood for stuff like that. I did work on it Saturday and Sunday though, and that's something.

So I thought in lieu of being a couch potato staring at the boob tube I could write a lovely update on our adoption process in my blog tonight instead. Problem is there's nothing to update! I have all the paperwork done that I can do myself and now I'm just waiting for my husband's physical next week and for him to finish his autobiography, which he obviously isn't working on tonight since he's bowling. He has actually started it now and is very proud of the 2 paragraphs he typed all on his own (never mind the fact that I had to go back and fix all of the spelling and grammatical errors...he tried) but he has a lot more to do. I set a deadline of Tuesday for him though since his Dr. appointment is Tuesday and I want to send everything off on Wednesday and be done with it! So that's where we're at with that.

Otherwise, my life is pretty boring right now. Well, at least that's what I let people believe in order to keep the questions at bay. I have only told a select few people that we are adopting and I probably won't tell anyone else until we are further along in the process but it's hard not to spill! It's difficult because people keep asking us "what's new?" and as much as I want to burst out and tell them "WE'RE ADOPTING!" it just seems too early to talk about so I give my usual response of "Oh, nothing much".

It's weird because when someone gets pregnant there is an acceptable point where they tell people and everyone is happy for them and excited (except for the IF types who are bitter and jealous like me), and more importantly everyone understands the process. There is a due date and a pretty well known chain of events leading up to the birth of a bouncing baby boy or girl. People can relate. But with adoption the average Joe has no clue what's involved or how long it takes or even how to react to the news. It's not their fault, I didn't know a thing about adoption before a couple years ago when I started researching it, and even now I couldn't tell you what the "acceptable" response would be to the news. Let's face it, we're in the midst of the process and I still don't know exactly what to expect next or how long it will take before we bring our child home. It's frustrating to say the least. That's actually how I came up with the name of my blog, I feel like the road to adoption is like an unmarked path and you just have to sort of stumble along and try not to get lost! Thank goodness we have people to help along the way but I know it's going to be a bumpy road ahead! So in the mean time I'm keeping the news mostly to myself and when the time is right I'll spring it on people and just brace myself for all the questions! Hopefully I'll have some answers by then, for my own sanity's sake! And if not maybe I'll just start making stuff up. Who's gonna know? ;)